I am sure you will agree that misunderstandings suck. After all it’s in the word itself, missing from the actual understanding of the subject. Texting is the worse part of misunderstandings.. but so are feelings. What do I mean? Say you are in a mood.. good or bad, busy or distracted. Someone says something to you, or you overhear something involving you and you take it as you are feeling that very moment. Marriages and relationships are the prime moment for this definition for a fact. One person is caught up in their personal situation, the other is caught up in theirs, and one of the two brings something up, and the partner, (engaged in their own little world) doesn’t respond as you think they should and visa versa. Talk about a drawn out situation.. omg. I have been there too many times. Thinking I should be listened to when I want to be heard and BY GOD you better stop your world to hear.. not one second later than what I just gave you either! Then that turns into you having to prove your point him/her having to prove their point.. and neither one was trying to cause a scene.. but here it is! The scene.

The scene turns into an arguement that neither one knows why or what they are arguing about.. but are too stubborn to stop it and admit it. What is that? Is it deep pushed down feelings from another area of your life that you don’t care to address and with one misunderstanding, you use that to let it all out? Hmmmm… I can see that. I have done that. So if you have this happen, and the people involved and are now ‘mad’ at each other are too stubborn to go back and say, I’m sorry… and end the night with sleep and nothing else.. what can you do about it? Should you do anything about it?

I know for me, I want to always fix it. Sometimes I am over the top trying to fix an argument that stemmed from a misunderstanding, that I have now made it worse. Now I am mad he/she is mad and we don’t even know why.. that sucks because you have no base to go back to and now you both look like idiots because you have no reason to be upset. I know personally with my husband, I have been caught up in the ‘you hurt my feelings game’ that I turn around and try and make my point hoping for an apology from him. However, he doesn’t present an apology. Mostly because he is a guy and guys are clueless most of the time, but he is the guy that will just ignore it all until the next day before he apologizes because he just don’t get it. Then there is still no apology. So you shrug it all off because again, there was never a base to go back to. I am not sure ignoring simple things are good, but the blinded fight sure isn’t worth it.. So we move on.

Now this subject is not the title of real issues. Like hidden guilt presenting itself from the truth and camoflauging stupid shit to ‘explode without facing the truth’. This blog is only about the misunderstandings that hurt the ones we love without meaning to and showing off how big and bad we are and waiting for the end to make things right. If you are like me and my husband on the petty stupid shit that means nothing bad against one another personally, yet we are too proud to admit that it was just that… then you better be hard core on the next. Our early years were the worse. I couldn’t let the petty things go and we would fight and scream about nothing. I would ignore him and go to my room expecting him to come ‘fix’ it.. cause that’s what the movies does. Well in the early years, he wouldn’t come.. then I would get mad again, walk up to him and make things even worse with another fight. One leading into another. The worse feeling in the world is expecting someone to do what you think they should do when it is you that should go and fix what you think he should have done. Talk about a hard core submission.. especially when you know you are right! or you think you do. Again… misunderstandings suck.

So not to talk about the deep issues you may be having because that’s a whole other subject in the depths of a problem that needs to be solved in your relationship.. I am speaking of petty BS that can be fixed by just letting it all ride out. Not talking can be the loudest voice when it comes to just taking a deep breath and allowing time to let it die. Again, this is only on the petty things. The deep issues have to be recognized before it destroys a relationship quietly. Ask my first husband on that one.

Point being, and I will go on to bed… don’t allow the petty misunderstandings to stay alive. Shutup and leave it and pick up the smiles and respect tomorrow. Shutting up is a real problem with me because again, i always want to hurry up and fix it to make it all better… but once I see that talking more will make it worse.. I will shutup to save face.

Do not let petty misunderstandings determine your life and day, especially with close friends, family and mainly your spouse. It’s not worth losing sight of your future goals. we are a team in our life an have a goal for a future, yet we are still human and even though we live 95% of our lives in harmony, there is that 5% of losing ourselves with our own personal life that could easily be tough and your partner is the easiest one to let it all out to. Just be careful that they are not busy or in the middle of their 5% that you take their world and force your need of attention right then!

I have more thoughts and shares on this matter that will benefit you. It will benefit me for expressing it to you.. however, my mind and body are tired this very moment and there is so many other thoughts i will come back to talk about and they will make sense to you more than this short story I obviously need to write about. Gather the yak talk in this blog and hold on for the rest of the story tomorrow after I get my 8 hours of sleep to detox my body and mind with my dreams.. and i will come back with a clear outlook on my point.

In the meantime of waiting for the real educational point that will change your thoughts that are coming from a hardeaded but soft hearted woman that learns each day who i am becoming and want to teach as i go yet deal with someone that is just wanting to come home from his essential job and just wants to watch his shows. I am still learning, and with that learn, I want to teach you too.

Trust me.. hang tight for part twoof Misunderstandings and you will see where you have gone wrong or he/she had gone wrong.. until then… keep an open mind and think of all the good that person brings into your life and remember he/she isn’t the enemy.

Stay focused and not so stubborn. Bite the bullet and watch how one word can and will change the course of both of your day.. even if it feels like you didn’t help it at all. Allow them to leave and think on their end… more to come on this subjust.. and the rest with get more indepth of were this is going..

So hang tight.. to be continued…..

The above Meme is one of my favorites I seen today.. not because I am ‘dealing’ with a certain thing today, but just because this sums up my life that I chose to live in years ago.. and I have to say, it’s pretty stress free and amazing to live this way. Walking into a conversation with class and standards will ‘force’ drama out. It will shut them up when it comes to the bullshit and the gossip for no reason. Now don’t get me wrong, we are all human and it is impossible to walk around like nothing affects you.. and you should never speak out and just let it all out.. that’s insane to think that could even work. Unless you are that person that fakes it all and holds it all in until you are alone enough to scream into your pillow… ummmm no.. please don’t let anything allow you to push it all down enough to where you are super fucking fake! Be you… but allow your presense to intimidate gossipers and people who feed off other peoples failures. Just be confident enough that they respect who you are!

Now do not get me wrong, especially us girls… we love some good juicy gossip.. I am not talking about the ones that live them and talk to their best friend and have a ‘gossip session’.. to me that’s just being human and real.. as long as it’s every once in a while, because here is the thing. When you get and stay so wrapped up in your own world of being better and doing your favorite thing in life… or even your not so favorite thing… you are living for your moment.. you will get so caught up that when someone that is toxic to you brings up bullshit that doesn’t react to your spirit, you won’t give a damn. You will brush it off… but per the above Meme and saying.. when that person gets ready to talk, they feel you and they stop… they find something else to talk about or they won’t speak at all to you.. they will search for the next person who will ‘hear’ them talk BS.

Stay in your lane of peace. Again, I believe that it’s ok to have someone in your life in which you can be raw with when you are aggrevated and frustrated with a certain thing just to ‘let it all out’. I think its healthy to do that.. just make sure you have or find that certain someone that will listen to you when you need to be heard.. and or that someone that will straight up tell you if you are seeing it wrong or even right. I pray you have that person.. if not, write and pray.. that always works.. I promise you that!

I am blessed to have two people I go to if need be in my expressions of frustration. My sister that I never have enough time to talk to like I would like, and my husband that still doesn’t want to ‘hear it’ that day. I also have two very close friends that I very seldom bother to bring my shit to, but I know that I can if need be before I go crazy not speaking to the first two people in my life…I am blessed with these wonderful people, however, mentioning them, I am also there for them too when the cause is needed. Always! I will tell them the reality of truth yet try and be there for that encourager when needed. That’s my goal anyway.

So you’re not that person that when drama comes they have no problem bringing you into it? Yet you don’t want to be him/her anymore because it brings too much to your world at once?.. how do you replace your status in their eyes… ‘all of a sudden’. It’s easy.. (only because I dealt with myself on this one in the past, so I know now) Stop responding… slowly so you aren’t turned into the bitch at once.. but slowly stop feeding them. Ween them from you. Now get ready, because with all this ‘walking away’ stuff will cause you a slight loniliness… you won’t be part of anything anymore. You will feel left out of the good stuff aka gossip because now you aren’t ‘feeding’ anymore. It will suck, but once you turn that mess off.. and study your life and becoming whole with yourself, you will not care. That feeling will make you feel like you are a terrible friend or person, but you aren’t terrible.. you are protecting.. You are protecting your feelings, your mind, your heart… your day, your life! It’s wonderful once you get past the ‘hump’.

With all that change up comes the respect. It’s beautiful. I would personally take respect over love all day long from anybody. That’s just who I have become and am now.. please do not disrespect me. My heart is real.. it may not be perfect or in the right place all the time, but intentions are always good. So for anybody to be comfortable to come at me with bullshit that does not make sense in the morning, makes me see that I need to work on me and my presentation of who I really am.

It took YEARS to be this way in my true self, and I refuse to allow petty BS to affect me. I cannot physically afford it. I can’t let my health be compromised for petty. Been there done that, live it, have a few t-shirts and could write a book about it. I am done with it and Lord knows, I sit here and write about it with pure peace.. it’s a life changing thing when you gain the respect you have always wanted, yet went about getting it the wrong way. Do not allow anyone to determine your day.. even though it happens.. catch it and change it… asap.

In order for me to give you the best scenerio on this subject that will ‘wow’ you, I will have to create another blog post and when I do, grab the popcorn, because it could be a mini series on Netflix.. I promise you. There is a method to my madness when it comes to trying to explain things on here to you.. but know this. We are blessed to have this outlet and platform to share with each other.. and I am only using things I have lived and or living.. those are the best anyway! It’s like deciding on a movie.. if it’s written… yeah.. we can watch it I guess… if it’s based of a true story and or actual events… Hell yeah… let’s watch it.. no matter what the subject/plot is… it’s a true story!!!

So hang tight, since it is late and this blog is long.. and let me give you a soon to be ‘sequel’ in this topic that I feel is so vital in today’s world where we are at home and some are ‘bored’ enough to get caught up in bullshit rumors, drama or any other toxic situatons that you normally wouldn’t be involved in. Stay your course, don’t forget who you are and your morals, and keep reading!

You will find out real quick that you are much more than a garbage can for toxic living and your presence demands respect!

Get ready for the raw truth… but until then.. make them uncomfortable bringing drama to you that has no place in your life! You deserve so much peace right now… just own up and be that person that demands respect enough not to fall into the bullshit! Honey, you deserve some breathing.. just inhale deep and exhale slow… life isn’t that hard once you see it… hang tight.. I’ve got an amazing story you will love. 🙂

 

Who has ever wanted to write a book? If you are a blogger or reader, I believe that you have at least thought about it. Have you? If you have, did you want to write for the money only if the money ever comes.. or do you have that burning desire to see a book with your name on it because you HAVE to see it? Or have you wanted to write a book because your insides will not rest until you do so? Almost like a bucket list kind of thing?

I would answer YES to all three of those scenerios. FOR SURE! That’s just me being raw enough to say, yep! I sure would…

I have had not the want to, but the desire inside me to ‘write a book’ for 20 years. That number is accurate because I know when it happened. Funny thing is, it was soon after I purchased my first home computer… a Gateway desktop… in 1999!! My youngest child was 2 !!! He is 23 now! So.. maybe 21 years ago. If not longer because before my home computer, I had a screen and keyboard word processer from my ex husbands aunt that just gave it to me since she had bought her first computer… My child was probably a year old so there you go with that math and the length of time I have wanted to write a book enough to ‘feel’ it.

I was that junior high girl that loved sports… basketball was my life!! However, it wasn’t JUST basketball… I had turned into a very competitive young woman and to this day at 49 years old.. I still am.. and to be honest.. I have no problem with that. I think being competitive is a good thing.. because it isn’t prejudice with it’s goals to be the best. These days, I don’t ‘compete’ with anybody else other than myself though. That speaks volumes to me and most because that is growth. Hell if I was still ‘competing’ with others at this age, I would have a huge deeper problem with who I am.. or for that matter, who I’m not! I could not imagine a grown ass woman at 49 competing with anybody in the world other than herself.. that makes NO sense to me. However, unfortunatly, they are out there… but that’s another blog coming.. oh don’t you know I have seen some things with that!

In junior high school our teacher gave us books to read for points. He had racecars that we had to draw and color and cut out to place on top of the chalkboard. We were all lined up for the ‘race’. The bigger the book, the more the points your car could move. Well, even though I had chores at home and younger siblings to help babysit and basketball to play on top of regular homework, I was going to read my books to beat everybody in my class. Guess what?? I did!! It was a my drive to read just to get to move my car. I would stare at it during class. We didn’t even get rewarded for winning back then… we just ‘won’.. and that was good enough for all of us 80’s kids.

I don’t know if those days created my love for reading and writing.. I do know that I enjoyed my English classes in High School and I never minded writing book reports after reading Judy Blume books… all of Judy Blume’s books! Great Expectations, Gone with the Wind and the ones that made me never watch a Steven King movie ever.. were the books I had to read for more points. I only skimmed those thick ones for the win! 🙂 All I do know is I have loved a good book since. I remember my 20’s consisted of Romance Novels and very ‘heated’ love affairs on paper.. Oh the 90’s and having kids. Sounds funny to me now, but we only lived what we knew back then and even though I never had anybody’s guidance, I surely enjoyed my romance novels!

Fast forward to my early 30’s and I knew I was suppose to write a book or two. It burned so bad inside me I couldn’t stand it! However, I was also a confused young woman that had three great kids and a terrible marriage because even though I ‘knew’ how to raise kids, I didn’t know so much about being a perfect wife and a committed one at that. No hate to my mother, but she was my only role model when it came to relationships and marriage, and bless her heart, she sucked at it. Well, I turned out.. sucking at it too. NOT saying my mistakes were her fault, because I assure you, they were not.. But MY forever in a marriage was not what my husband’s forever in a marriage was at all. Very very sad too.. cause he was and still is a great man.. thank God I got a second chance later in life to live a true marriage with the same kind of moral good man.. thank you GOD!

Now to explain that insert about my 30’s and how I screwed up a marriage is to educate you on the fact that my burning insides to write that book was put on hold for a very long time. I went from being divorced and working with my kids at home full time, to becoming involved in a relatonship with the very opposite kind of person that for years drew me away from who I was as a woman with dreams… thankfully, as much as it hurt and as much toxins that I dealt with in that relationship.. at 43, I was free from him and his toxic life and self that I started concentrating on me and my kids… full blown! I graduated my children and worked my tail off. I played with my ideas on writing again and wanted it to come back so bad that even my boss at work bought me a laptop for my empty desk back in 2012 because he knew how much I spoke about writing. He was so great! So I wrote.. then I stopped.. then I wrote… then I stopped.. ya know.. cause ‘life’. Then comes my best friend and forever love that grounded me to become the woman I fight for everyday today. January 2015. Oh how good is my GOD!

I filed for divorce from my toxic mistake in 2010.. however that man wouldn’t sign the papers until I had to hire a woman to flirt with his cheating ass in October 2013.. finally! He fell for it and she kept his attention long enough to where he signed the divorce papers and in two weeks I was finally a free woman again! But damn… who the hell was she???

I went from that to another controlling relationship that I only allowed for a couple of months because I seen the signs. I lived in full regret of letting my kid’s dad go all those years before but I just couldn’t allow him back into my life because of my own guilt and I knew it would never be the same. I dated. I didn’t write. I lived in a house I really couldn’t afford with my last teenager with me. We both worked hard and lived a pretty cool life together even though it was tough. We made it good. I was not to get serious with anybody until he was graduated and I could move away.. far away to the beach.. to grow old by myself.. and write. I became so wrapped up in the struggle of a single mom that I through dating out the window…that writing would only happen once I was past the raising of all my kids. I was too busy being her to worry about what I could do for myself and washing out the fire inside me to write… I didn’t other than a here and there blog that made no sense.. because hey, I was waiting!

Back to January 2015. After I had went to a beach alone in November 2014 and allowed the ocean to spiritually take my hurt away.. I drove home a new woman. I knew I would wait on my book, and concentrate on me and my son. Once that happened, I met my husband. The guy I swore I would never care to find! Telling you that, is to tell you a quick reason and I will shutup about all this marriage mess… HE found me! I couldn’t! He was a total ass too.. or I thought he was! You know why??? Because after hours of talks on the phone everynight, he seen me. HE SEEN ME! The woman that was so lost and caught up with the ‘one days’… I hated him for ‘seeing me’.. so much I told him bye.. and so did he. Then he shows up one night… and both our worlds changed… fast forward to 5 years and 3 months later…which is.. well right now! He was a God sent literally and here I am.. only blogging for now.. but my ‘book’ that I haven’t touched in months is on it’s 7th chapter.

The purpose in my rambling is this.. I will get on my book. I will get back to that story of a girl that is reliving her life from her 30’s when she writes.

I am going to get back to that book of the past that is ugly enough for me to stay busy with my family, home, work, relaxing and being a GiGi to my grandbaby. It is a ugly past of abuse and toxic living.. but i can assure you, even though it creates alot of emotion that I am scared to get back into.. I will go there… I am writing this blog to tell you.. so you know. So you know not to let go of that pull to write. Blogging is amazing and it allows us to stop living long enough to write about it.. but for me tonight, I had to ‘verbally’ speak my book into exsistance so I can get back to it and get it published. It’s more to me now than a burning desire.. I am complete and whole in my life and in my relationship enough to take that deep breath and open that 7th chapter back up to finish the rest of them.. I have to finish.. for me.

I have to finish my book for me.. the completion.. the promise.. the memory. The life that molded me into the woman I have always wanted to be.. and everyday doing it again. Not a Mrs. A woman. A mother. A wife. A decent human being. Someone that deserves doing one good thing in her name.

Her name alone.

The Book. It’s coming to life.. even if it hurts to make it happen.

March 16th, 2020. This was the day that became the WTF of our lives. Everything started closing out because of Covid 19. Today marks the one month mark of our lives since then. I am sure you all have a different date, but in my world, I will always remember this date because not only was it my son’s birthday, but it was a date night for me and my husband and the place we always go from the end of February to around the end of June every year. We are the couple that are penny pitchers and never go out to eat because we like to save money and we like to eat healthy at home without all the crap you eat when you go out to eat all the time. ** side note ** (eating out all the time isn’t good for you and your body.*) So each year, every other week, we go to the Riverboats and eat crawfish and crab legs amoung other good food we don’t get any other time of the year for half the price that you could ever cook it yourself. *Louisiana folks know this* We have this tradition that we look forward to right before we set our dates to get out of town and go to the beaches of south Louisiana and Florida every single year, many times a year. If it’s for two days or a week, we go. That’s what we get to do because we save money all year to do these things instead of eating out all the time. As a matter of fact, this week was my husbands first of five weeks he gets for vacation each year and we were suppose to be at the coast as I am writing this. However, thanks to the pandemic, we are home still.. that breaks my heart, but the good news is, we are together at our favorite place in the world anyway… home.

So instead of doing what I would normally do and sit and cry at the fact that I don’t have sand up my ass right now, I am sitting on my beautiful sofa in a beautiful home, listening to french jazz music while my husband sleeps, writing my thoughts down after a wonderful day of shopping for items for our shop and home. Using our part one vacation savings on things we needed for projects and home improvements and getting to put our minds and thoughts together for the next cool thing we are about to create for our daily lives. Hmmmm… I like this alot right now. If you know me at all, I am a DIY kind of woman. Hell, I make extra money doing that very awesome thing, amoungst other talents I have been blessed with. Guess what?? So is my husband! If not better than me. I can imagine something, and he creates it for me. Maybe not as soon as I want it, but evidually, he does it. That makes me happy, sooner or later. I know that we will get our vacation soon, but changing of these times has started changing me. Not everyday, but most more than less, I am turning out of my *bratty attitude”, and absorbing what this world has chose to do to change things up. I am learning everyday, what’s more important in life. If it takes a month to get me there or longer… I am getting there. Am I excited about all this self learning change so quickly??? Hmmmm… HELL NO… But let me say this too…. Hell YES!!

If you know your Bible and or was raised around ‘the end times’, you already see things differently than most people do. I knew all my life what the Bible speaks about in Revelations… the last Book of the Bible.. and yes, these are those same stories we have always learned about but never thought they would even begin to start while we were on earth… but honey.. here we go! Go ahead, take a breath and start reading it, it will either scare you or scare you straight. I have my own personal thoughts that I have pledged not to ever write about, but I will answer or find the answer to talk about IF someone wants to know. Other than that, the way I see it, I will not preach anything to anybody.. and here is why!

Without dismissing the ‘end of the world sermon’ from Preachers and others that proclaim Jesus.. I will tell you this from my perspective. First and foremost… My God is Real! He will set you free and save your soul from eternal hell if you proclaim Him as Lord and King. Period! The reason you won’t hear ‘preaching from me’ is one reason only… You already know this! We are NOT a third world country 50 years ago… we have all heard the Word and we all know what it’s about.. if you choose not to believe it.. that’s you honey.. I can’t help you and at the end of the day, I don’t care. I love you, but I cannot lose my sleep over something that was told and taught to you as it was to me and you dismiss it.. work was done and we all have free will.. if you choose not to live in His Glory.. I will not worry about it. Sorry.

OK! So let me get to the point of this blog, if I haven’t already pissed you off and you stopped reading.. hopefully you are still mad enough to keep up.

Have you learned anything in the last month since everything has pretty much been taken away from us? Yes, we can still go to the essential places to get what we need or don’t need, for now, but driving into town today, I looked over at restarants that I never noticed before with the lights off.. and they have been off for a hot minute. Sure there are some that still have curb side pick ups and deliveries.. but nobody has sat in those places in over 4 weeks. So sad.. and again, I have opinions on when that happened, but that’s not important and to be honest, I couldn’t care less other than all those awesome hard working people that have lost money from losing their jobs for a few weeks… my daughter is included in this scenerio and it makes me sick!

So, let’s stop talking about what is closed and what is still opened on this one month mark of them doing so.. again… Have you stopped long enough to feel change?.. have you realized what you can go without… have you even cared long enough to stop and think about it? If you haven’t.. ok?? So you haven’t. Doesnt make you a bad person for not doing so, just a question is all. I ask because, why haven’t you… or better yet.. should you?? I would say this and not shutup. Take this time to breathe and maybe learn who you are and what you can do to be a better person. Are you mad? Are you spending quality time watching all the bad news or playing with social media enough to piss you off enough to write a post about something you think you know and need attention because you’re bored and need interaction?? If so, do us all a favor, and stop posting your frustrations and start blogging. Hell, it works for me and many others.. and it will save you from people who only want more drama and piss you off even more so much, now you are mad and can’t sleep because you’re looking at all those hate comments or even the ‘hell yeah’ ones from others that don’t know what they are talking about either.

I have seen so many post about the extra money everyone is getting from the POTUS that they hated this whole time and bragging about ‘going shopping’. That is so stupid to me because those same people within a week will be talking about how broke they are and will start hating the President again once the money is gone. Paleeeeezzz… people Stimulous.. look that word up. Bail out.. look that definition up too.. this is money the government has given to you to ‘help’ you get by because you don’t know how to save money. OR they are given to you to help you because you work three dang jobs and can’t make ends meet and you just lost them all.. use that to save back and pay those bills you needed help on instead of spending it and then asking for more from some other source! Learn who you are now.. don’t stay the same.

If my friends or family were working their asses off and lost it all after struggling anyway, needed my money to help them, and I gave them that money to help them breathe a little, then I found out that they blew it on bullshit ‘stuff’ instead of putting it back and starting a savings fund to get ahead.. do you really think I would keep doing that very thing of charity? Hell no I wouldn’t! SO please do not think it’s coming again.. please! Even though I personally think it’s all a con, they did send help money, so don’t get comfortable with all this financial help.. because the payback will be a total bitch! That’s why this blog is being wrote.. you can agree, disagree.. or agree to disagree… learn from all this so you can survive to becoming smarter and more frugal and an all around better person for yourself and for others around you.

I pray that you do not take this like a whooping and take it as a lesson and just grow from all this. Keep yourself quarantined and clean when you have to go out.. but please stop moving and stay home and work on you and your home.. be better, do better.. and respond smart to what is going on around us.

This world isn’t over yet.. and neither is yours.. but in order to open your world back up.. walk out your front door looking different and feeling good about who you met at home…

YOU!!!!

I’m not the one who complains about ‘this year this’ or ‘this year that’. To me yes, the years go by, but it’s a day to day in my mind. January 1st isn’t the day I walk around screaming, ‘this year will be better than last year’. Life doesn’t end or begin by a date. It’s a mind set and how you take each day with nothing or your everything. You choose that moment… until one split second of anything out of your control that stops everything!

This year has done nothing but sucked! Now remember… I’m not the person who talks like that, but in this very moment looking back on the last 3.5 months… yeah it’s sucking bad! I could list it all for you, but it’s not even 8:00 in the morning so I don’t want to set my Monday to the blahs. I will say this as we are quarantined without access as easily as before, for the last 24 hours we have sat without electricity because of storms. We live in the country so when our power is out, so is our water. We finally have a small generator that keeps my TV on and refrigerator on and I’m happy about that! However with the virus we have been dealing with, we stocked up even more than normal to our two big freezers we have without power to them for a day. I wasn’t worried about the meats we worked so hard to stock yesterday, but this morning, I’m starting to worry a little. What happens if we lose it all? I know we will survive, but the worry of watching my husband running around making sure I am comfortable is making me sad. He is working it hard.

On top of no power after the storms yesterday, today the temperature dropped to the 40’s and we have no heat other than the fireplace my husband just started up for us as I write through my smartphone on my couch. The middle of April shouldn’t be in the 40’s, but along with this weird ‘year’, I’m really not surprised at this point.

I’m about to scream if they don’t hurry up and help us, I’m about to cry because I’m cold, I’m about to lose it if I am anymore uncomfortable! I’ve got shit to do for work and I need a shower now! Me me me! Yes this sucks!!! We can’t leave to get away from our home because there is no where to go, we use to use the gym down the road to take showers and refresh, yet they are closed because well Covid…. so here we sit looking a mess, using rain water to help flush the toilets… almost out of that too! Ugh what the hell!

Feeling this way is how I feel right now… and then I sat down to watch the News.. the very thing I hate watching these days…

UNTIL I seen storm damage to beautiful homes in Louisiana! Windows busted out, trees laying in kitchens, no electricity, no more roofs and ceilings, no more anything other than the sky they now can see from their living rooms. OMG!!! I have my roof still in tact, I still have my trees in the ground, I have someone with me today so I don’t have to deal with a non functioning house… this all sucks…. but God be with those who have to rebuild everything from that ONE SPLIT SECOND storm that whipped through the south.

We are resilient more than we know. We are stronger even when we are scared and worried about all things we purposely planned ahead on… we stink, we ugly, but we together even if we’re aggravated! I pray for everyone for everything today. We have to learn love and live… rebuild and grow! This sucks! It’s tough! We don’t have time to deal with bad weather because we already have a bad virus… it’s hard to be in a stay at home order when our homes are not working properly… but I pray and I scream that this ‘year’ will subside with all the surprises!

Let’s pray. Use A minute to stop that next terrible ONE SPLIT SECOND… and know that someone else is dealing way worse than you… even though yours is bad too.. we will be ok and possibly a lot better when we get through this storm of 2020.

Hmmm… what was your first thought when you seen this title? Did you go straight to the Karma thing, did you think about your actual bed, or did you NOT know what the heck this could have possibly been talking about?

Well guess what?? I could go all three ways, but today, we will talk about the actual making of your bedroom bed! Do you? Do you turn around as soon as you get out of bed and make it before anything else? Do you go to the restroom then head straight back to bed to make it before you stay up for the day? Do you leave it alone for that ‘just in case’ I want to lay back down, or do you have no second thought about your bed and go about your day and never make it, unless it’s time to wash your sheets and that may consist of the making of your bed? No matter what your schedule or way is on your bed, isn’t judged at all.. after all it’s YOUR bed… do as you wish with it. (But for now, just think outside the box for a second.. and keep reading.. yes, I write deep shit. So endure me now, or click out.. I am here to encourage you only.)

Or should you actually make it before you do anything else that day? Let me tell you where I am going for your encouraging word for this day.. no judgement, just truth on my thoughts of that encouraging time in your life.

Now more than ever, we are at home. Normally, once we leave our beds, it’s balls to the walls on getting ready for work or school or both, that the last thought of that bed was when we lifted our heads off that pillow for the day… however, in today’s world, if you’re like me, we walk through our rooms about 20 times a day… Putting laundry away, using our bathrooms, grabbing something up, brushing our hair 6 hours after we have been awake, putting makeup on just to look like a woman for a few hours of our day.. ( if youre a woman ) anything… well if you don’t care and your vision of your peace room doesn’t bother you and you have no thought of it, either you should, or you are like me.. (that one room in our home that usually gets neglected, yet is still your peace and love room).. bothers you if it doesn’t bring peace to you as soon as you walk into each time you do.

Now to each there own on this next part, and I am certainly no expert, but I do know peace and serenty when it comes to my husband and my room. It is set apart from the entire house… period.. in more ways than one. We don’t have a TV in that room, we do not have pictures of our kids or grandkids in that room, we may have a couple pictures of us and that’s it. No distractions of the outide world is allowed in ‘our space’. Period. No kids can enter our room without permission, nobody can use or bed or our bathroom without permission, and nobody can go into my dresser or vanity without permission.. I would dare think they would even try.. I just dare.

That room could literally be physically separated from the rest of our home and it wouldn’t nor shouldn’t feel any different. It is sereal, special, in it’s own time and well spent. Now… saying that, don’t go off thinking sex sex sex… cause that’s not what I am talking about.. that room will not hold outside discussions, problems or ideas.. ( sometimes it does, but we try to shut it down asap ).. because again, that’s a whole other world we get to go to finally, every night.

Now let me get to my point of the Title discussion of tonight’s blog before I lose you to boredom or judgement, because neither one is my intent. Just hang in there readers.. hang on!

Now I know some of us aren’t or maybe so in some areas but not others, OCD. I am very much OCD… BUT only in some areas for sure. I have to have a clean kitchen, laundry room, living room, bedroom and sometimes bathrooms, depending on my mood on that one… BUT I suck at having a clean car, closet or craft room! I have the desire and the anxiety of those places not being perfect, but I don’t rush to them as I do the other places. Like right now, all I want to do is clean those places now that I have mentioned them, but as bad as that bothers me, if it was any of the other places, I wouldn’t continue to write this now. It’s crazy. It’s odd to me actually. However, this is why I believe, those three places doesn’t bother me as much as the others do. They don’t bother me as much because those three places are mine and mine alone. All the other places I listed, my family lives in also.. so I know for a fact, that is why I am so OCD about them. Now on the other hand, I know to be true, I cannot get to the other places I let go for a while because I am so wrapped up cleaning the main spaces up. Usually cleaning up after my family, but time consuming still… When I clean my car, my closet and my craft room.. it becomes an event.. an all day event at that… so if I have that much time to spend trying to clean those up, the rest of the house gets neglected for the day and then my OCD kicks my butt. I am either yucky feeling or up all night cleaning them. Ugh… hate the struggle for sure. And I mean that.. HATE IT!

Make your bed. When I worked outside my home and had to leave at 7:00-7:30 each day, the last thing I thought about was making my bed. Even though my husband had been out of it since 5:00 that morning and woke me up at 5:30 so I would have plenty of time to get ready for work… and… make my bed. Well, that life schedule ended 8 months ago. I did have 4 months of that 8 months of leaving the house for a part time job, but I didn’t have to leave the house until 9:40 at the latest. ( miss that schedule for sure) Still.. didn’t stop to make my bed.

Back when I was a child, my mother taught and told me and my sister to make our beds as soon as our ‘feet hit the floor’. We had to make our beds before school.. period. We did too. I didn’t think much of it then because we did what we were told without question.. something I wish kids did today.. but that’s another blog for sure..

Now I know why! Making your bed is the first ‘completion’ of something accomplished in your day before your day technically begins. It’s actually a magical power you don’t even know you just did.. and the funny thing about it… It doesn’t take but about 60 seconds! Depending on how many pillows you have to replace and how restless you slept.. it takes NO TIME to feel that power. I don’t have the ‘word’ I need to explain it, but if you do this each day, you already know what I am trying to say! Not only does it give you that power over your morning… if you are home during the day.. everytime you walk into your room for whatever, you ‘see’ that pretty made bed.. and it is at least 70% of your ‘cleaned’ room. That all by itself is like cream icing on the already moist cake… undescribeable.

I am not sure if you have to have some form of OCD to understand what I am saying or trying to share on the feeling of completion just making a dang bed, or if you just don’t give a damn and you do make your bed and walk into your room over 50 times a day and never ‘see’ your made bed… more power to you.. it’s ok! But for weirdos like me… not only do I make my bed with layers of pillows on it… I leave my little ‘romantic’ lamps on so I can see it all everytime I go in there… ALL DAY LONG! Call me crazy, but outside that bedroom on some days… is scary and overwhelming.. so when I have to pee… and go through my bedroom to get to my bathroom… I want to stop and just take a deep breath and absorb it all… ( then go pee )

Point is… when your bed isn’t made.. and you have the whole house you are working on, or you are working on whatever or coming home from your job.. and you walk into your room.. with an unmade bed gives no satisfaction at all… you have all day sheets not protected… you have disaway.. you have no contentment… ( my feelings only) Now saying all this.. I will say this… not against men at all… BUT most men will never understand any of this.. and some women think I think too deep… its all OK!!!! These are my thoughts shared to you.. because no, not all agree… but oh the ones who do.

I went two days without making my bed this week… and today I washed everything.. and got back to the basics of the fact that A. I wasn’t feeling well before.. but mainly B… I was allowing everyones actions control how I felt. So whats the use right??? NO! No matter how you feel.. turn around and make that bed… it doesn’t have to be perfect.. Just do it and watch why.

There is no explaination. There is only real. If you can’t walk into your bedroom and feel instant peace.. and your bed isn’t made… as little of a BS task that would make a world of difference.. Make your bed before you start your day. and just see what I am trying to share with you. Not only does that ‘first’ accomplishment please you… it will allow you to want to accomplish more in your day… if it’s to go to your job, or stay at home all day.. that feeling will boost you into other great and mighty things…

All because you.. Made Your Bed.

Today was a basically a good day, had a couple set backs on the ole emotions, but at the end of the day, things are fine. Feeling and seeing and hearing certain things that did affect my mood today, has me sitting back an hour after my family is asleep to think think think… trying to put it all into perspective of why I had to deal with any of it… when none of it had to do with me and my life and my family’s life.. So what does that tell me? Maybe I need to slow down and reflect on some things… even if they are good.. just stop.

The news has become so draining these days, more than ever, that I have decided not to watch and look for a while.. I love it! Today was no different. I had some projects to do this morning and I overslept so I was halfway done at 12:00 noon. A time where I should have been on a totally different to-do.

I get a text from my husband about something that happened in the city today and it was 5 minutes before the noon hour news was over. So I switch my 90’s show ( Friends ) over to the news, to see what he was talking about since I wasn’t able to talk to him about what happened. ( he is a police officer for the city we don’t even live in, but he is though still ) An officer was answering a warrant call and the person shot him under his bullet proof vest. Thankfully it missed his organs and he should be fine. However, it is a good friend and collegue of the basic area my husband works. Well… without feeling scared or sorry for me or my husband.. all is ok for everybody, but the stress tries to remain. ( I am counting down the days to his retirement )

When things that are public become too personal and too close to home, it will stop you in your tracks. So before that text then soon call later, I was rocking and rolling with orders in my little buisness. Once I seen what happened.. it shut me down for a brief time. I wanted to bust out of this ‘stay at home order’ and go defend my man. LOL.. Like I could actually do anything, but that’s how I felt. I am a momma and a wife before I am anything else. So it’s very hard for me to just sit back when those two positions are threatened.

So here is where I am today. I am happy and full of ideas and I play French Cafe music in the background and I am taking longer showers and sitting on my back porch purposely listening to the birds and all the country sounds I am blessed with… but secretly deep down.. I have worry about my adult kids out in this world.. I have a bonus daugher that decided to move out because our rules don’t match her new lifestyle, I have friends that are turning sour and wanting to debate if I comment under state fed lazy people that I don’t agree with because of personal reasons, I have people coming to me for advise that I need to be asking for myself.. I have family, that think they know me, but they really don’t…

I have an amazing life that I am all the time keeping in check so it stays that way.. and the list goes on and on.. about like this run on sentence. I have pain from a recent injury that won’t heal, my neck and back is always on fire and I deal with corpal tunnel that has ran into my back shoulder blade that makes me at the brink of tears most of the time. All of that plus a couple other things that could affect others that I won’t mention.. yet.. but all in all my point is this. I am still at peace and I am still happy… want to know why?? GOD. With Him, I have undescribable peace.. and I can’t explain more than that. So after I laid out all my.. ( well some things ) ‘issues’ let me get to what this blog is really about and why it’s titled what it is.

As I mentioned before, I have purposly stopped watching the news and with that, paying alot of attention to social media. I caught my moods changing with what my own plans were for that day, which ultimatly affects my life, so instead of caring or being so curious about things that has nothing to do with me and my life.. I just cut it out. I have to use it, but I refuse to get drunk in the BS anymore.. for a while anyway. Point being.. this whole virus situation we are in and we are bound to our homes for a while alot of bad is on the news and social media.. it will kill your spirit if you let it. Please do not let it.

Tonight, I put the news on, just to see the things I already seen or heard of all day.. two police officers shot and shot at, someone got shot pumping gas at a station and more and more news about Covid-19. Well after this day, I couldn’t hear anymore! So I switched my TV over to my relaxing Italian music and picked up my computer to write this down.. but not until after I looked at my FB media one last time. I seen a woman that had went Live earlier and she didn’t have a title to her Live.. so that was wierd since I have never seen her and none of my friends shared it, so why she was on my news feed and why I clicked on it… who knows. Her live was 30 minutes long and as I listened to her my finger stayed on the back out button the whole time.. yet I watched and listen to every word she said. She was a basic woman talking about post partum depression after her first child… something I know nothing about personally, but my daugher does because she went through it with my grand baby.. and it’s very real.. All and all that wasn’t what this woman was there to talk about.. she was pretty much talking about her business through LimeLife skin care but not to sell it.. to tell it. How the people she has met changed her world in the last couple of years.. and I felt it. I don’t do direct sales, but I do know what I do and the world that it has brought with the amazing people we have met that will forever be in our lives now because they opened our eyes to such a sweet new life that makes us all better.

Then she started talking about the Virus and how we are all in this together.. something I have been trying to incorporate with my encouraging group of ladies on social media.. so nothing different there.. until she started talking about how all this is changing us.. for the good.. but again, one thing that stood out for me at the right time tonight was.. WE ARE BECOMING PEOPLE AGAIN !!! Wow!! WE ARE… We really are!!!!

Everything and anything in life can get so big and so out of control that we forget the basics. Nothing wrong with getting wrapped up with anything as long as we don’t lose ourselves.. but we do, don’t we? This whole ‘inconvience’ has and will for a while take a toll on us because we are so damn spoiled to today’s world we have no more accountablity. Not to ourselves or to others.. the news is too big, the days are too fast, the food is already cooked and we can pay for anything we don’t have time for. Well… not all of us are like that, but you get my point. We are an instant world.. and this ‘new world’ is allowing us to get back to being.. well.. People! If that doesn’t excite you.. well than you are probably a loss cause.. but please let it excite you!! Please!

I love being spoiled. I love having instant access to what I want when I want it. Sorry.. I do. However… I am also an old school 80’s teen that grew up ‘poor’ to most standards and the good news about that is… this back tracking way of life is a 2020 version of the 80’s. If you can’t make it, kill it, grow it or catch it.. you go hungry. I will always be that person and I will always teach my children and grandchildren how to survive without anybody else around. That.. my friend.. I can promise you!

All and all here is my main point! Let’s be people again! Let’s not get back into the hustle and bustle of allowing ‘life’ to control our every friggin move! Slow down and do.. slow down and be a person. Stop judging and creating drama. Take what you get each day and make it better for yourself, your family and for other’s. Stop allowing these mood news swings to take up your day… Just gradually stop being a non emotional robot, and let’s me people again..

This blog is for you… and it’s definantly for me after my day.. stop, inhale deep.. exhale slow… know you are a person.. you matter. Once we get through all this, let’s not forget what this should have and hopefully is teaching us.. Become a PERSON again.. like we use to be.

The button I hit when it’s time to ‘write’. To blog, to express, to journal thoughts, ideas and information. Learning everyday something new and utilizing that new thing in my own life to grow stronger and smarter and more whole. Writing does all that for me in a suttle way. It always has. I believe everyone should journal their thoughts, but again, it’s not going to be everyone’s ‘cup of tea’ and that’s ok. You can channel thoughts and ideas and be a smart connected person through anything you like to do. As long as you do it. I don’t want to move around each day and not learn something to help myself. I refuse to waste time just because I am awake. If it’s cleaning, creating, working, teaching, reading, watching, or just doing.. I want to learn and teach and be my best so that when it’s time, I can help other’s find their best in life. If only allowing them to know that nobody is perfect, but you can try as hell, to be your very best. That’s its ok to mess up, just learn from that to be better.

Writing helps me stop my world to talk about it. To work my brain and use my thoughts as a focus to one subject at a time. Not caring if it’s ever seen by anybody else and knowing I am doing it for me. If someone else reads anything I write, I pray it helps them somehow with or without judgement or agreement in that subject. Words in my blog are my words and thoughts and I know that not everybody agrees with things they may read and that’s ok. As long as it makes them stop to even care and think about another way of working their mind.. that’s what it is all about. Discussion and different views without prejudice is life anyway.. no different in reading. Probably even more room for judgement. Again.. that’s ok. The words I share in stories are the words I try and explain to make certain points to open your thoughts to react. Isn’t that why we read books anyway?

We live our lives and deal with others. We take pictures to share or to keep, we write things down to save that thought of the moment and the real reason to document all these things are to have those for the memories later in life when all we have left are… our memories.

So stop ‘doing’ for just a minute. Write your thoughts down, document your mood and save it to a draft. When you wake up the next day or reflect on that draft hours later… see if you still agree with what you documented. If you do, share with your friends for their advise, if you want to. If not, just see if you still agree with that subject… use it for your life… find an answer if you need one, but whatever you do.. do it for you.. do it for a better you so you can share that better you with others.. Be the best version of yourself..

Write… and watch what happens next………

So here we are. Alone together. Quarantined in our homes. Our refuge, our palace, our hearts. The place to escape in normal times….. So why are so many people trying to get away from it? The law and common sense are telling us to stay at the place we always want to be at when we are at work or a place we really do not want to be. Why is it so hard to just stay put!?! Are you bored? Do you want to get out and go somewhere because you are stubborn enough to chance this virus, because, HEY, it won’t happen to me… right???

Well what if it does? Was going to the store another day back to back to back worth that ventilator that your state may or may not have now? Was it worth infecting your family and or friends and or the essential workers that have no choice but to be at work?? Come on! We are a spoiled ass America. Possibly the whole world is… but not only are we spoiled, we are stubborn.. and that takes risk to another level of insanity.

I have seen and read things and people on social media and the news that literally have said, I ‘need’ this and that… because I don’t know how. e.i. cook, clean, farm, hunt, stop, and yes…. love. Love your family with them right there… getting on your nerves. Are you… or we so wrapped up with today’s world that we have stopped learning, teaching, utilizing skills? Do you have any? Can you take flour and water and or milk and that can of whatever out of your pantry and make a meal? Can you survive in what’s in your kitchen right now if the news tells us tonight.. everything just closed.. and good luck??? Think about it. Are you unskilled and spoiled to today’s world? When was the last time you cooked anything? When was the last time you went into your yard to just look at it and bend over to pull a weed? Do you know how to plant food? Or do you have to hire someone to mow your lawn and plant your flowers and veggies if you even have or take the time to pick them when they are ripe for your table??

I am NOT asking you all these questions saying.. haha.. I do this and you don’t! Hell no. That is NOT what this blog is about. This blog is all about allowing you to stop and think real hard about what you can do and aren’t doing.. and probably haven’t done because this world has made us lazy and dependant on someone else to do it for us. Why do it huh?? When we can throw a $20 bill out there for this other person to do it? Ok? so now that person and or company cannot get to you, because they need to stay home to be alone and safe… what now? Can you change clothes and do it yourself?? Well honey, if you can’t.. then learn! Fast! I believe we will come out of this soon, but worse case scenerio… we don’t… at all.. or a very long time from now. Will you be ok? Can you survive? You say yes… but stop and think about all of it… I didn’t think so. However, this is not to make you feel bad.. this is all about waking you up! If you youtube how and learn it, and by the time you get it perfect, the news says.. all is good and we are back to ‘normal’… will you stay that way and do it yourself?? I would say… please do. Always always always…. do you and your family.. please! Stop relying on services and others to take care of your family just because you can pay them to do so. Please. Here is my point.. if this isn’t the end… one day something else will be… you won’t be able to stop it.

When that moment comes this year or 10 years from now, will you have the skills to take care of you… Last scorn question.. so far.. let me get to the main point of this blog.. before I lose you to anger or agreement enough. Please keep reading… it gets better without judgement or comment. Let me stop and praise what we DO have going for us!

Social Media. Ahhhh… the love and the hate comes very close in hand for me. Let me explain, as you well know already, but for the purpose of this blog, I will go ahead and say it. The Hate. We are so wrapped up in the laziness of looking things up and finding out the truth, that we see something on social media that may or may not be true and run with it! We run with it! I do it, you do it… it’s literally another form of gossip! Tell the world before you get the details or the real way anything went down! I found myself today on the phone with my husband and during our phone call, I was reading a FB message I got, and then continued to read post everyone was making and told him about one that blew my mind. Well, after I told him about it, I decided to read the multiple comments under it, and then seen where that said person who made the drama post, ‘fixed’ the problem and all was good for that person, less than 20 minutes later! Well hell, I just told somebody else the juice… how am I gonna turn around and say… oh, nevermind.. its all good now. That’s gossip.. that’s feeding off an assumption that could have and did take care of itself. Should that person left that petty thing off social media and kept it to themselves to take care of?? YES!!!! They should have. Rather it was taken care of or not.. we don’t have to tell the world every move we make. I know it’s hard if you are a social butterfly like me during this isolation time, but seriously, write a blog like I do… probably more than I get a chance to. OK!!! Enough of the bad side of things… I am exhausting myself with it.

Now let’s talk about the love of social media! You are already know what I am going to say, if you know anything about me. I am considered in my own world and from my close friends, an encourager, so get ready for me at any given moment. I just choose love. Been through alot in my life to choose anything less… anyway.

The Love of social media vs the hate of social media… you seen a % of the hate… now let’s look and love this part of it.

Could you even imagine if what we are going through right now, in 2020, possibly be happening in 1985? Heck no. Heck yes. Heck yes… we didn’t have the resources to know what the hell was going on. Heck no… I couldn’t imagine not having the resources we have now to know what the hell is going on.

See where I am going?? We are ALONE TOGETHER. We have the power of the platform! We have instant contact with anybody in the world!!! How friggin amazing is that!?! We may be alone in our homes… with a spouse at least part of the time… and some of us have kids running around… and we are safe in our homes together! How awesome is that?! Or is it? Sure is if you are the biggest fake parent that don’t like to share their true feelings with 24/7 care to their family members.. wives you too!! It is awesome! But we all ‘need’ that moment of silence. We all need that time for ourselves… we had that, now…. not so much if you have a family at home. So what do you do when you are alone? Do you finally get to catch up on social media to talk and comment to your FB family and true friends? Do you call and or text anybody you haven’t had a chance to quietly talk to today? Do you write, read, read news, watch funny videos, look at your friends post and accomplishments that day? Whatever it is…. if you are at a computer, chromebook and or smartphone with access to social media, email, text or call…. etc.. you are not alone honey.. you have that escape to check on other’s, join groups, like and or comment on them, whatever it is… you have that chance.. Hell, if it wasn’t for the internet and or social media… you wouldn’t be reading this blog.

Think about it. We are not stuck at home… we are safe at home.. thank God! We are safe… what we do with that safe place is ours.. but you know whats cool about being at home??? Your’e not missing anything!! Youre not late for anything, you are not needed anywhere, and you the the best part about this is??? So is everybody else!!! ( non-essientials ) AND… you can stay in touch and live that day with as many people as you want!!! You can clean, you can update, you can work in your yard, you can create something new, you can rearrange your space if your’e tired of the same look, you can paint that wall you have always complained about not having enough time to do… you have your world right there without anybody telling you… you can’t! FINALLY!!

We have time! Don’t abuse any of it! Because I am telling you and trying to encourage you… as soon as we get settled hard, this life will resume the too busy for’s before you know it. Utilize this!

Turn off the TV and the internet for a few hours during the day so you don’t have distractions. Even if you just sit there. Put your phone on charge and walk away from it and turn on a funny movie and or series (90’s shows rock and make you happy btw.. ) Just escape social media and ‘things’ if only for a little while during the day and give this all over to God. He is waiting on you to talk to him.. and guess what honey…. now you have TIME! He will give you undescribable peace.

It makes me feel bad that I dont worry as much as other’s do… because I keep myself in check. Does that mean I don’t have my moments??? Hell no! Trust me!! I do! But again.. I try my best to stay busy and focused. It’s hard at times and easy at other times. Is it harder mostly??? If I let it! My husband is on the front line of law in the grimest areas of this town every single day as a police officer. He is considered ‘essential’. He has to deal with the BS all the time, but now he has to deal with that same BS hoping he don’t catch anything to harm himself and then said, bring that mess home.. To his sanctuary. To his wife and children and his one and only grandbaby. He has that extra worry.. which adds to me as I pray over him before he leaves me each day… SO yeah, I have worry.. but I refuse to dwell on all of this. I can’t afford to stress about something I have no control over. I have been through too much, good and bad to allow something out of our control other than hydiene and smarts, to control my end of the day.

In closing… ( I sound like a preacher..lol) Know this about this Blog and My Heart. We are all going through the same thing right now! How often have we ever said that to be true in our lives? So we are in this together. For the first time, my worries are your worries… your worries are mine. The exact same thing.. and with saying that.. makes us stronger, if we let it allow us to become so. Make a list of the things you have learned and are learning during this crisis from your own prospective and I will do the same. We can grow from the things we have learned. We can live on with the things that we have learned how to live without and the things that we took for granted. We can decide to learn and be better people than we ever were before that we would have never been if things were never taken away from us.

Alone Together. I am thankful that I can write this and know that somebody will get to read it and hopefully be encouraged with these simple practices and words. We will prevail.. like we always have. Be smart, play smart, be helpful, stay home. Do your part by doing nothing. Get over the ‘boredom’ and become a better you. I’m excited about the new world we will create when we are set ‘free’ from the lockdown.

Stay you. Be better. Stay home. Do better. #alonetogether don’t have to be so lonely. 🙂

When I was younger, I never was around people who were long term preparers in life and for life. Therefore no direction was given to me nor taught for me and this life. I lived each moment for that moment and dealt with the results later. Good or bad, that is not the way you should ever live your life. You remember that saying, plan for the worse and hope for the best? That saying can go for anything… but it should always be the case when it comes to finances and supplies, needs for your family and yourself. If you make a little money or alot, it holds true. I have been there and know alot of people who make very good money, yet still have little when it’s payday again. They rely on overtime money to live, they do not think ahead, they can’t make themselves ‘forget’ about that stash money they were planning on stacking up so they spend it on something they could have done without if they would have just changed their mind for that moment. Like I said, I have been there… and without discipline, I still am. So where am I going with all this??…well just sit back and keep an opened mind without judgement of anybody but yourself. If you are perfected in this area, then I pray these words you are reading gives you the power to teach other’s your talent.

Living the American dream. We all want it, we all need it, and we all fight for it. But what the heck is the actual American dream? Well that’s what is so cool about it… it has no set definition, because each one of us has a different American dream, and not to say that the most materialistic person has it wrong via this blog, but what are you doing? Can you live like that and still be ok through the rest of your life? You can? What about your children and grandchildren’s future for help and education? You got it? Great! Keep it up! But don’t stop reading, because again, I want to guide you to the words you have the power to use to teach success for the ones that normally would have never had the chance to hear… like I didn’t. Money is money and we all need it to survive, so show your blessings through actions and lessons to the ones that never had that guidance, that’s true wealth.

So to the rest of us. Listen up. I want to share what I know personally to you that will change your mind on what true contentment and wealth really is. So much so, that you actually can go straight to sleep at night with no worries that cannot be resolved. Trust me, I promise. This life is not suppose to be difficult 24/7. It just isn’t. So do not keep allowing it to be so. It’s up to you… every tiny bit of it. With that being said, let me repeat what I said earlier, no judgement or thought of anyone else but yourself. Period. If you can’t help but judge someone that this may remind you of, close this blog and move on, it’s not for you. However, you may wish you would have stayed.

Do you like things? Things? Hmmmm… like??? Yes things. Not the basic home, car, clothes, food, utilties… etc.. Things. Like boats, and extra cars and ATV’s and designer clothes and more make up and nicer jewelry and more shoes and that stuff that girl makes down the street at the Boutique and Studio that you have to have all the time to make you and your home prettier. You know things! Well of course you do!! We all do! It’s fun and filling and… well pretty cool to have more things! Well guess what?! You can have all that and much more without any guilt and with money still in the bank. But how do you do that? How can you just go spend that kind of money and still be ok with the bills coming up? I mean, most of us have one job, some of us have two jobs, and the ones that have three or more jobs and a clean home?? Well my hat goes off to you.. cause I couldn’t do it! Here is where I am going. It doesn’t happen overnight. I used to wonder why when I was younger. I wanted it all now. I grew up with nothing and everything at the same time so when I became an adult I wanted it all… fast! Well I did get it all because I went out and went into debt to do it. By the time I was 28 years old I was in more debt than I had money… know why?? I thought I was doing what all the other older adults were doing… getting things. Making myself feel like I was living my American dream. Marriage, home, cars, toys, kids, family, ATV’s.. all of it. But guess what happened next? Breakups and drama and less money and yes…. bad credit! Wait what?!? Nobody told me that would happen! I was living in the monent! Tomorrow would take care of itself… wouldn’t it?!

Tomorrow. Taking care of itself. Hmmmm… Honey if you don’t take anything from this blog… take one thing.. tomorrow does not take care of itself… today takes care of tomorrow. Without today taking care of tomorrow… tomorrow will kick you in the ass faster than you can get out of bed. I promise you that!

So what and how do we make sure today is taking care of tomorrow?

Planning and Preparation. Sound boring? Well it might at first, but your future self will thank you for your today self for taking care of it. You know that job you have that you barely are making it to next payday to even live because you never prepared for just normal things? Did you know if you wrote down every single penny you make on your said paycheck, you would see that you had at least $5 to put back in savings. If that savings is in the bank or in an envelope in your safe.. put that $5 dollars in it, even if it’s in quarters, dimes and nickels… do it. Do not touch it. Then do it again and again and again. Getting a tax refund each year? Cool… extra money! “I never have extra money… I am going to go do what I never get to do ever all year long.. then tomorrow I am going to it again.” Next thing you know you are broke again and with that hurting gut feeling that keeps you awake because all that extra money was blown with nothing to show for it and youre back to stressing about payday. Sound fun?? Was it worth it? Hmmmmm… I really don’t think so! Save it. Save all you can. Use it to help catch up on bills and sure go treat yourself and have fun… but don’t keep doing that until you are total broke. Just don’t. Utilize that blessing to start up a savings for your tomorrow.. rest assure.. it’s worth it. Point being, save a little… or alot.. and watch how much more confidence and less worry you have about a damn dollar bill. It becomes second thought to you so you can actually live each day without stress if you have gas to get to work. That is the American dream and the freedom America is all about. Be strong willed. Don’t fall for everything. Stand your ground and treat yourself to yourself. Friends want you to come hang out all night at your expense?? Knowing you can’t afford it but you go anyway? Why? Do you need to see them so bad you’re willing to go grab that extra $100 you spent so long to save up so you can look like you got your money shit together? Do you think they care? Do you think they think about your plans?? No. They have their own plans for their own life and if they are doing exactly what your’e doing and spending all their money in one night to have fun?? Well honey all of you need to learn or start being around strong willed smart planning people… trust me they will rub off on you. That’s where I am going next. You are who you hang out with.

Being around people will change your mood and maybe your lifestyle if you do it often. Actually even if you don’t do it often, it still can and usually does. I have been around good people that made bad or not so good choices most of the time. Especially when I was in the bar scene alot. You meet and see so many different personalities and if they drink too much in one setting… you just may see their other personality show up before you leave. Some good and most bad. Usually because they have let things build up in their lives so much that the liquid encourager allows them to let go… usually not a good thing. I personally think they should just blog and write… that helps me anyway. Point being, when I would be around that, I realized I was becoming that. Someone I didn’t recognize or know. You see I wasn’t the 18 year old that went out to bars to drink or smoke or play pool or sadly to dance. ( I love dancing) I was married to a good Christian man early in life and I had my kids in my 20’s so that’s what I was doing. Greatful to this day that I made that choice… I loved and still love knowing I am done raising my oldest three and I’m not even 50 yet. 🙂 Off the subject. Anyway, I did go through a divorce in my 30’s and the next serious relationship was the very opposite of my whole life prior. The very opposite. The good and the bad. I went into my first bar to play pool and fell in love with the sport. I met literally 90% of the friends I still have playing pool and that was 16 year ago. So I am blessed to know if it wasn’t for that lifestyle change, I wouldn’t have those people in my life today and that I couldn’t imagine not having. That’s the good side of that lifestyle.. Now for the bad. When I began that lifestlyle I had no clue ‘what my drink was’ when someone asked me, but I was ready willing and able to find out. I won’t get into alot of this side of the story that much, but I am trying to make a valid point here. Other than the life long friends I have, I also have the other people I allowed into my life and even a relationship that was pure toxic to myself and the other’s around me. Since I just came out of a very long marriage, I never knew who I was as a single woman in this world. With limited funds and alone at night, I would grab at anything I could to fill that guilt of leaving my kid’s father because he was ‘just too boring for me.’ He was at that time in my life, but the extreme idea of living that moment, caused decisions that affected way more than my tomorrow.

I started changing into someone I didn’t know, but it was fun… ya know.. that something different I needed since I never had so much freedom to be ‘me’. Being around such weak minded people that I thought was love and acceptance, made me needy for more because after all, I could be the one to ‘fix’ them. Ummm… that’s not quite how it works. I am sure I impacted those lives for the better, but not knowing who you are and allowing others that don’t have a clue what they are doing and living by the moment, isn’t a strong enough person to be. I wasn’t that weak woman, but I sure acted like it. That is a whole other book I will write, but for now.. know the point. You cannot be who you are when you are with people you allow to tell you who you are…. really? Really. It makes no sense to me now, since I pulled out of all that years ago.. it makes my stomach turn when I look back at the time I spent trying to be someone I wasn’t and someone God did not create to be. Talk about misery… try that out.. it hurts your tomorrow!

The good news is… even though it took way longer than it ever should have, I got away from all that. Yet I still never really grasped who I was, but I knew I would find her. I had lost who I was morally and soundly, but I knew somehow I would find me again.. that strong woman I loved dearly. Fast forward to the after effects of all that, was a struggle. I could smile my day away, but I was living like I was a decade younger financially. Struggling and worrying.. but I would make it everytime, because I let go of toxic and relyed on my education and talents and all and all… My Lord Jesus. I lived each day with His Grace and forgiveness and once I finally let go of all the past, physically and emotionally, God sent strength to me through another set of strong minded, smart individuals that changed my life and my family’s life for life. I was blessed with a job in the midst of this transformation to prepare me for what was coming.. I had a boss that was amazing. He knew how to live for tomorrow. He knew how to plan and prepare and never worry about money. He taught me how to save and repair credit… and that’s just what I did. It took years, but I did it. That man was brought into my life for one reason. To allow me to see that there were people I could actually surround myself with to be who I hung out with. I started to have hope in myself when I could see the future and plan for it. Yes things came up.. and yes.. I would run to that savings envelope to go have fun that night and regret it the next day… hell I am human and stubborn so it takes some of us a little longer to really learn something!

Fast forward again, and when that boss that taught me so much had to move away to fulfill even more of his preparations for his future, I was left alone to live and remember all he left me with. I sucked at it alone, but I had a new outlook on my tomorrow. I started to gain confidence in myself to be a better person, but I still had my past relationship that turned toxic always knocking on my door. Then one day, I set out to get away for a while and I am so glad I did. It was a last minute decision and I even left to travel at midnight after I was dressed for bed. I just knew I had to get and have closure from my past and my own self. Not even two months later, God sent my husband now into my life and not only am I the fullest in mind and soul 5 years later, but guess what else? He was even more stable and strong minded than anybody I had ever met before in my life.. him and his family.. they sealed the deal in my change without even knowing it.

He is a strong man. He is a person that went through so much as I did as a kid and teenager, but his decision back then on the finance part of planning his tomorrow started right away. He kept that mind all his adult life and even his personality rubbed off on me. See when we met, I was still at my lowest as far as who I was. I had self medicated with wine everynight and always ate whatever was already cooked. I had gained more weight than I ever weighed and I knew it by the scales. I knew I needed to change my eating pattern and excercise, but didn’t have energy or drive to do so. Men still wanted to date me and I still had fun shooting pool and I worked my ass off to survive.. so what was the point? That point was self denial that I was searching for my completion without even knowing. My life was bliss on the outside.. I just received my beautiful grandbaby weeks before and I knew in my heart I was ready for real love that I knew I could bring, but never trusted anybody to give it to. I actually hated men and loved them the same… but trust?? HA! Never again. Until I met that man I sleep with everynight.

In the last 5 years, I kicked and screamed my way to a life of completion and happiness in myself because I was being loved the way God intended for me to be loved and it took a couple years to accept that because hey… I wanted real.. that didn’t mean I knew what to do with it when I got it! Point being is this! Surround yourself with good strong minded well planned people in your life and watch how it affects you. You become their anchor as they become yours. Well rounded preparation and planning with money, love, hope and trust along with that Grace I still live with every moment of my life.. is flowing out of me to new friends and family I have around me. I refuse toxic, I refuse drama.. and damn that feels good!

Get away and stay away from drama and toxic things in your life. If it shows up, nip it and keep going. Even if that is family, you cannot allow it to tear you up. Life goes by way too fast for all the bullshit. I am serious… let it go!

As we are surrounded by social media… it can be a great thing and it can be a devistating thing. I have caught myself reading people’s lives on it so much, that the good mood I was in before is now in a blah or bad mood… I refuse to read anything that I see is about to make me feel anything but good… I will shut it all down before I allow it to control my day.. and especially my tomorrow! Again… do yourself, your life, your day and your future a favor and be the best version of yourself.. and surround yourself with the ones that want the same and know how to get it. I learn everyday.. I fail everyday… but I keep deciding what’s good for me.. even on my bad days.

Stay strong, be smart.. I will touch on each subject I spoke about in this blog individually another time, but just walk away with this. Today is your day.. tomorrow is your day…. don’t let today make bad decisions with money, love and family for your tomorrow..

The sun will come up in the morning… how are you going to see that sunrise?? With an exhale and a smile??.. or a frown of regret of what you have to face that day because of the no planning you did yesterday. Stay woke. Be that better person, help other’s without praise and save without hoarding your blessings.

I’m about to go and live today so good that my tomorrow looks bright! I encourage you to do the same. Prepare in a smart way so you won’t have to keep starting over!