Intimidation?

That word seems so cocky and.. well.. intimidating.. I am not sure how I feel about that word. In one way I like it, in another way I think… cocky. However I feel about it, it’s still a word.. an action without knowledge in my world anyway. I remember when I was single and I would go to bars… usually to play pool league, but there were times where I would be bored and go just to get out of the house. Wow, looking back at that world of boredom is so foreign to me it’s like another person.. and world. But anyway, mostly if I went to certain places I would over dress for most establishments and would be that 5’8″ blonde with high heels and cleavage showing, shrutting my shit like I didn’t give a damn. When secretly I was ‘needing’ that attention when I literally didn’t ‘want it’. Sounds weird huh?? Yeah, me too. I went into bars that were very familiar to me because I did play pool for years and like the show back in the day, “Cheers”, everybody knew your name. I mean, those are the best ones anyway.. sometimes I would say.. I had to have music playing if a band wasn’t there. So I was always the one that made sure the jukebox was playing. I would spend every dollar I had in cash and then hit my playlist that was connected to that said jukebox to make sure, again, none of us were hanging out in silence. Because atmosphere was what I loved and by god I was going to have it!

One particular night out, I was dressed to kill.. I cannot remember if I was on a date or not at the time, but I strutted myself to the jukebox to look for some party music for the night. Some guy about 3″ shorter than me.. (probably the heels) came walking up and leaned on the jukebox while I was searching and just awkwardly stared at me like he knew me. I finally stopped what I was doing and asked him if I could help him? He said, I just wanted to let you know how beautiful you are but you are too intimidating for any man in this room to approach you. I laughed. Told him… thank you???? But I wasn’t sure about his comment. Several other times when I would go to bigger more upscaled bars with my girlfriends on girls night out… men would walk up and say hi to most of us and some scanky ones would hit on the more desparate girls… but the ‘intimidating’ ones, would just have that fine ass man across the room buy us a drink per bartender. I was one of the ones that could walk into a bar without a dime and leave with everything I came for… a good time.

Now don’t go clicking off my blog and judge my cocky post.. I am making a point here, because if you are a woman that has subjected herself into a world of mostly drunkin men, you would have the same exact story I have told you already.. so this has nothing to do with the fact that I think I was a badass… because that my love is not the truth. AT ALL!

When I was a single woman in my late 30’s and early 40’s, I loved hanging out with my girls. We would have girls night out once a week. Thursday nights were the best night, because those were usually ladies nights and let me tell you those drink deals were worth saving those dollar bills for. It was a night to unwind and to gossip about the guys or the girls that were all drama.. oh those bitches were evil to us, but we played right into their trap of them being our subject of topic for a couple of hours. We would people watch and oh my god those girls that thought they looked cute but they were so bad at dressing per body style. ohhhh would we talk about them with their scrawny ass boyfriends that looked too scared to look around the room before they got slapped for looking. Poor fellas.. they were so whooped! We would laugh and laugh and talk and take shots and laugh some more. If there was a football game on, we would scream at the game because we had nothing else to talk about. We would promise one another that no man would ever break up ‘girl’s night’!!

So enough about that. It’s silly, but damn, we did have a great time for that time in our single lives. I think its what made us all to this day better women because we have those silly memories that we can still call ours. Our ‘you had to be there’ moments. The best!

Intimidation. It can be used on purpose or by accident. We can abuse it, use it and own it. In my world of knowledge with this word.. it has caused me success, love, respect, appreciation, hurt, tears, anger, drama and strife. Some at the same time, other times, one at a time and with each it has caused mood swings like you would not believe.

Let me dissect the good part of that word with what I consider good. Success, Love, Respect, Appreciation. Being a person of intimidation in the coorporate world usually gives you these words per definition. The coorporate world can also give you these things with a curse behind them, but I call that, jealousy.. which I will show you how that comes with the negative use of the term intimidation. Being a strong person in the buisiness world is a must. If you intimidate someone, you would hope it would cause that person to up their game to become someone like you in that said field. If they are in that field of buisiness. My experience is that as said most of the time, even if jealousy was created from which spoken.

Let me dissect the bad part of that word with what I consider bad. Hurt, Tears, Anger, Drama, Strife. When you are intimidated with say someone’s ex, or your exes new someone, or you are intimidated by the new employee that has that degree in the job that you have worked for years yet do not own a degree but know more about that said job than a degree can ever give, comes walking in and taking over.. you. Pretty intimidating with a slight dash of jealously.. see where that fits hand and hand?? So what do you do about it? Do you secretly look for another job? Or do you man up, suck it up, and learn the new stuff that has been taught from that degree and fresh out of college person. It’s tough.. it’s very tough.. and it sucks like a devil to deal with it. However, you have to find that integrity amoungst who you are as a person. Maybe that newbie is just as intimidated as you are to him/her? Maybe.. if not…. then fucking pretend.. and watch how cocky you become… hold yourself true, but fake it until you make it and watch.

Now let’s set those bad definitions into your relationship and let me tell you my personal story real quick that after all these years… I still live and face without thought. And it’s the worst side of me.

Most of you do not know my back story, and some may if you have read all my blogs. So I will recap. Taking my husband and step, aka, bonus children out of the scenrio.. I have 3 grown children. To date, my daughter, 30. My oldest son, 27. My youngest son, 23. Their dad and I were married at a young age and divorced when our youngest was very young. 10 years ago, he married a very beautiful yet toxic woman. She had been married many times and actually ‘broke up’ with him on Thanksgiving day while dating him to marry a man that she met two weeks prior to that wedding date. He abused her so there wasn’t any anniversaries to celebrate. She then of course called my ex up and the rest is history. They are a whirlwind toxic storm to this day, but their life together is not my story to tell… but she destroyed him long before he said ‘I do’ to her because she was carrying his child. My children’s father is one of the good guys. God that man is a great man, but damn he is a pussy ass… His wife and I are the only two women he has ever been with sexually. None of anybody’s business and I think that is amazing to even brag for him about…. but point being.. why in the hell is that woman… after 10 years of marriage to him and about 12 years of him in her life.. is jealous and our intimidated by me?? His EX wife of alot of years!! Like alot! She has told him that she was ‘intimidated’ by me because him and I had so many memories from our teenage years and yada yada yada… ummm yeah.. but hello??? We are divorced for reasons.. we outgrew each other. In a nutshell.. that’s what we did. We spent years fighting.. and when it got physical, we divorced. We hated/loved after the divorce and it was hell for about 2 years after finalizing.. Today? We are very close when we see each other or talk to each other.. but we don’t do that often because our children are grown. The only time we ever interact is if something happens to our kids or we are exchanging our one grandchild together and that is very far and in between.. yet I am still that woman to her??? That drives me crazy… until I take a deep breath and realize that I do not have to justify my past with some woman that has torn him apart and still is.. even if she was an angel.. I still do not and will not apologize for my years and or memories with that man.

Now let’s hit another even closer scenerio to this subject. Not only do I deal with MY ex’s wife…. but I deal with MY husband’s EX.. hello?? Kill me now please!! This woman is the world’s biggest most toxic woman known to man. I wish to all mighty God she was a normal woman moving on… but guys… she won’t! She is so intimidated by me as the woman that loves her children as my own and that loves her ex better than she knew how and more than he would allow her to love him. They just didn’t work. Now I know she isn’t and will never get over my husband, and I don’t blame her.. but tell me why she hates on me for loving her children I literally signed up to help raise? I mean, let’s face it honey.. I was DONE raising fucking kids!! I was headed to the coastline until God moved in my life and showed me what real love was in another person. A love that allowed me to actually love myself again… but hey.. you cannot change a narcissist… do not even try. She is alot of things, and now that she has been in my life for the last 5.5 years, I will have to add another chapter to my upcoming book. Where in fact, I will go into details that will make your head spin, but you can’t stop reading… I mean it when I tell you, movie writing shit, you can’t make up!!

POINT…. no matter what area in your life you are called Intimidating or are Intimidated. Do not allow that word and it’s meaning to scare you. Sometimes it’s the biggest compliment you can get. Sometimes it’s a world you didn’t sign up for. Sometimes jealousy is included if not the backbone to it. I would tend to say is true. Just know, coming from someone that has been on both sides of the spectrum.. don’t let it control you and your life and or your day like it did mine today with one simple misunderstanding. I didn’t write about it.. but know it happened and it directed a 30 minute dinner conversation that I regret feeding into.. but had to be said.

Live you.. do you. Do not worry about other’s and their thoughts. You can do it all right, but the one’s that decided a long time ago that they were in fact intimdated by you.. aka jealous or otherwise… that’s not your problem. Take a breath as I am tonight.. and smile and know that you got it! No matter what!! Look at the sourse the evil and bad it is coming from and do not let it define you. It’s just not worth it. You are you.. for better or for worse. Life goes on, even if you have some haters… 🙂

 

 

Published by passionbydesign20

I'm that 48 year old momma of 3 adult children and 2 bonus teenagers along with the most amazing husband a girl could ask for. I am an Interior Decorator with an accounting background trying to build my Passion By Design business. Creating this blog is to connect with thoughts of daily situations on family and situations along with encouragement to others. Come follow me and let's build a friendship through this wonderful crazy life together.

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