You think of details as a small thing in design, but they are not necessarily small things. When you walk into a room and think how beauiful it is, it’s not the big focal points, it’s the small stuff that you notice after being in the room over a matter of time… minutes even. As your eye goes aroung the room and you pick up these little things and the details, you realize that is what made that room more beautiful. The Design is in the Details.

Some may think otherwise or disagree, but if I were to pick one, it would be the details. The difference is in big time design in a home or someone who just wants a good enough design. There is good enough, better and best. How do you want your home to look or feel.. none of these three are the wrong way.

I went to a friends home for the first time a few weeks ago and went on a mini tour of her home. It was beautiful. When I walked into the kitchen and dining area it was comfortable and sheek. I loved it. Very practical and easy accented. Her huge living room was the same, very comfortable. I knew I loved the look, until I really loved the looks. She started telling me things about the small details that I never had seen before she showed me since it was a walk around and that is what sold me on her home. She had all the memories from her grandmother and mother that are no longer with us. Each piece, big or small had a story behind them from her family. Not only did she own ‘their’ stuff, without realizing it, she displayed everything perfectly. The more I walked around and looked, the more I seen that I would have never seen just walking into a beautiful space. My point to this teaching is I knew the home was beautiful, but just walking in and feeling that way, the small details is what made that place more and more beautiful, it was the longer I stayed and looked. The details were big and small, but they were still details that built that room, that built the feel and look of her life.

Let’s talk about the small detail on not only the look and the things that you see, let talk about our other scenes. Smell. Setting the tone to your atmosphere is vital in every aspect of the word. Candles, diffusers, wax melts.. etc. It matters! Have you ever walked into Hobby Lobby and instantly felt wonderful? That’s not just from the cool beautiful pieces they are selling and the way they display them… it is the smell. It’s homey and it matches what your eye can see. That’s marketing in their world, but it’s a true aspect in your home feels also. The look and the smell work together for the all around look and feel that makes a house your home. That is caused by small details in smell that create your world.

How about taking a painting or a piece of photography and placing them in an unexpected place? Like in a blank corner that would catch your eye without noticing it doing that. Placing a painting on an easel is fabulous to think or imagine that you are working on that piece in an unexpected spot. Wondering what others would think… they would love it without seeing it.. they see it still. Lamps do the same thing in this scenerio, it adds to the beautiful setting of your home. Displaying books, vases, feathers, lamps, mirrors, paintings, plants, etc on a bookcase adds drama to your look. Inexpensive lampshades to older lamps can change your home mood… you can always change them out over time. That’s not only a design secret, it’s fun also. Antique stores and thrift stores usually have the most unique lamps and mirrors you can pick up for near to nothing financially.

Fun places that you can always find something the next person does not have is again, thrift stores, garage sales, antique stores… places like that not only have one of a kind things, it also drives your imagination for your design mind for your home, no matter what room you are in. It keeps a place for you and your family while it amazes guest that come over and creates conversations that you would never had otherwise.

So go grab some small and large details to add to your home for your look… have fun… keep an open mind, learn names, learn authors, learn color pallets for your next investment for your decor in your home.. and of course, contact me for more tips and tricks for the secrets old designers didn’t want you to know. Yes… I’ve got hundreds more! Enjoy you.. enjoy your home. Don’t get overwhelmed and know it may not happen all at once! The cool part of that is you will never get bored with the ‘what’s next’ anymore!

Contact Passion By Design on FB and IG today!

No, I am not talking about money. ‘How much did you spend on that’. I am talking about style and little things that you can do with what you have right now!

Something as minute’ as pillow covers or shams with your inserts. Are they just blah? Is your inserts/pillows too small for the cover? The best pillow will look flar if it’s sitting inside a cover that is too big. Your pillow cover should be at least 2″ smaller than your insert. Push that baby in so you can fluff and detail it for your look. Go ahead… check it out. If you have a thin pillow in a sham that just needs volume? Take another thin pillow and stuff both of them in that sham. You have just created a full, fluff look that nobody will know other than you.

Little things: too much little things are just too much! Clutter! Clutter can cause an uneasy feeling when you are surrounded by it. You normally can’t be at peace in a chaotic environment. Take this practice. If you take your smaller things, your favorite things and place them in a large tray and still have more left over… you have too much. Don’t want to get rid of the extra? That’s ok! Put them somewhere you know they are still there… behind a cabinet or closet. Switch your items out over time for a new look. Just know that too much can cause a theme you wasn’t even going for. Just a thought in the design world.

Mass Production Art: Don’t! One of my personal pet peeves is having these products all over your home and the girl next door has the same thing! The same theme. Without getting into my own personal style… let me give you a Designer’s eye. Your home is yours! Not theirs. Not his, not hers! Yours! It’s not a store. Your home should reflect your background, your memories, your family, your moments. Mass Production Art isn’t that. Buying Art from artist is not only hard to find for your style, but it is an amazing placement in your home once you find what goes with your look. Plus you are supporting that artist along the way. Not only is it a conversational piece, but imagine if that small buisness artist makes it big time one day? Wouldn’t that be amazing to talk about? Remembering when. Find a source to find your piece. Ask me about mine and I will gladly hook you up with the most awesome local artist in the country. ( In my book ) It doesn’t have to be expensive, it just needs to have a reason. You don’t want a home that looks like a doctor’s office, you want a personal piece you can call yours for a reason. Buy it or make it yourself. It’s so much more like home. Make it interesting. Make it interesting to talk about. That’s home.

Along the subject of making and or buying art, make sure your piece isn’t too small for your area. Your wall space, if you are buying a hanging piece. Usually what I have seen is people tend to add other pieces around the too small of a piece and that causes an overwhelming sense of non focus that you were going for to begin with. Case in point… buy or make the right size for said wall. Same goes for rugs, but that’s another subject. It just throws the whole room off.

Stay away from stuff that’s ‘too cute’. ( Not talking about Kid’s rooms ) This is specific to the item in general information. If it works, that’s fine just trying to give you fresh eyes. Too many little things is too much for your comfort of a good thing.

On a final note:

Don’t let clutter determine your style. Let’s talk about that. Before I go any further. Style and Themes are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!

Themes e.i. Farmhouse, Coastal… etc.. those! When it goes from style and look to theme… you’ve gone too far!! You like the beach? Take ideas from that but don’t have a seashell in every room ( unless you have a beach house) Why would want to see all that in every room of your home or make a shrine on a shelf of many? Why? It takes away from the style and turns your whole room into a theme. Back in the day… Themes were what we did… today’s design, not so much. We love and live style. We have homes that define us. If they don’t, let’s build that for you. Victorian is one of my favorite styles, but I choose that look as little as possible in one room without telling you that room is Victorian.. yet you can still ‘feel it’ when you walk in it. See where I am going with this???

Keep your style simple, not overwhelming. Try not to grab onto a Theme, develop a Style. They are not the same thing.

Want more tips? Want more tricks and ideas to bring your home into your style so that when you walk in, you can relax? Contact me and let’s talk more about how.

Hello! It’s been a while since you’ve heard from me. I was distracted for a while in a good way. However, I could not pull my blog up for some reason, once I tried to come back to it. Actually yesterday, I just created a new site figuring, oh well, lets start over. Today I type the address in and boom… I see my original space! Super excited about the fact that I did not lose my older writings.

So let’s talk about what’s up. Our year has been a slight different the last few months since our son’s dogs decided to have a ‘play date’ on snow day in February. Yes, she got pregnant with puppies! Since the daddy ( one of son’s ) works off he couldn’t take her with him carrying all those babies. So Momma and Daddy had to nurse her into delivery April 15. She had 12 puppies! 8 girls and 4 boys! Unfortuntantly one of the boy puppies was stillborn so we had a proper burial and moved on to the other 11 awaiting our guidance.

Everyday was a new challenge and happy at the same time. Learning what steps needed to be done to help little momma learn her way with them. Time moved on and we were ‘stuck’ with all of them. Time came where we had to buy shots, groom them and find new homes for them… long story short 11 weeks later, all but two have new homes and are living their best lives. Then the other two… we had decided to keep one of the girls for our own and spent resources and time trying to find the last one her forever home. With many inquires and let downs… she was alone in the pin alot and something kept noticing that everytime she would play with our puppy, our puppy was happier and so was she. My husband looked at me on the 3rd day of trying to find a home and offered his thoughts to me.. yes we kept her too!

So it’s been over a week with these two babies and it’s been awesome. We don’t have a sad, needy puppy anymore! We have two girls growing up together and entertaining themselves. They are all about the idea more than we are! Now we have Layla Renee and Diamond Rose in our lives. 11 week old baby girls that keep us happy when the days seem blah. I am thankful for that playdate my son’s dogs had now more than everything. The momma has went off with her daddy and the father of the puppies are right down the road and gets to see them too. I think that makes good puppies to raise when they have their momma and daddy in their lives. We have been blessed with them.

The Spring has been busy with them and redesigning and rebuilding on our home. People in and out all the time, contractors always over helping with the bone building and myself getting to create an outdoor space i can relax in. Working from home has been wonderful with all the action going on, allowing me to be a part of it all. We still have tons to do and work on, but each day has it’s rewards in the little things for sure.

Another quick note before I have to go for now… the Spring also brought us a new grandbaby. Taylor Wayne was born May 17 and he is the spitting image of my son! He is perfect and for the second time, I am GiGi again. That is MY happy.

Have a good read, write out your words.. in short term tell me about what’s going on. Story time is coming soon on a piece of a chapter I am working on… stay tuned. 🙂

That word seems so cocky and.. well.. intimidating.. I am not sure how I feel about that word. In one way I like it, in another way I think… cocky. However I feel about it, it’s still a word.. an action without knowledge in my world anyway. I remember when I was single and I would go to bars… usually to play pool league, but there were times where I would be bored and go just to get out of the house. Wow, looking back at that world of boredom is so foreign to me it’s like another person.. and world. But anyway, mostly if I went to certain places I would over dress for most establishments and would be that 5’8″ blonde with high heels and cleavage showing, shrutting my shit like I didn’t give a damn. When secretly I was ‘needing’ that attention when I literally didn’t ‘want it’. Sounds weird huh?? Yeah, me too. I went into bars that were very familiar to me because I did play pool for years and like the show back in the day, “Cheers”, everybody knew your name. I mean, those are the best ones anyway.. sometimes I would say.. I had to have music playing if a band wasn’t there. So I was always the one that made sure the jukebox was playing. I would spend every dollar I had in cash and then hit my playlist that was connected to that said jukebox to make sure, again, none of us were hanging out in silence. Because atmosphere was what I loved and by god I was going to have it!

One particular night out, I was dressed to kill.. I cannot remember if I was on a date or not at the time, but I strutted myself to the jukebox to look for some party music for the night. Some guy about 3″ shorter than me.. (probably the heels) came walking up and leaned on the jukebox while I was searching and just awkwardly stared at me like he knew me. I finally stopped what I was doing and asked him if I could help him? He said, I just wanted to let you know how beautiful you are but you are too intimidating for any man in this room to approach you. I laughed. Told him… thank you???? But I wasn’t sure about his comment. Several other times when I would go to bigger more upscaled bars with my girlfriends on girls night out… men would walk up and say hi to most of us and some scanky ones would hit on the more desparate girls… but the ‘intimidating’ ones, would just have that fine ass man across the room buy us a drink per bartender. I was one of the ones that could walk into a bar without a dime and leave with everything I came for… a good time.

Now don’t go clicking off my blog and judge my cocky post.. I am making a point here, because if you are a woman that has subjected herself into a world of mostly drunkin men, you would have the same exact story I have told you already.. so this has nothing to do with the fact that I think I was a badass… because that my love is not the truth. AT ALL!

When I was a single woman in my late 30’s and early 40’s, I loved hanging out with my girls. We would have girls night out once a week. Thursday nights were the best night, because those were usually ladies nights and let me tell you those drink deals were worth saving those dollar bills for. It was a night to unwind and to gossip about the guys or the girls that were all drama.. oh those bitches were evil to us, but we played right into their trap of them being our subject of topic for a couple of hours. We would people watch and oh my god those girls that thought they looked cute but they were so bad at dressing per body style. ohhhh would we talk about them with their scrawny ass boyfriends that looked too scared to look around the room before they got slapped for looking. Poor fellas.. they were so whooped! We would laugh and laugh and talk and take shots and laugh some more. If there was a football game on, we would scream at the game because we had nothing else to talk about. We would promise one another that no man would ever break up ‘girl’s night’!!

So enough about that. It’s silly, but damn, we did have a great time for that time in our single lives. I think its what made us all to this day better women because we have those silly memories that we can still call ours. Our ‘you had to be there’ moments. The best!

Intimidation. It can be used on purpose or by accident. We can abuse it, use it and own it. In my world of knowledge with this word.. it has caused me success, love, respect, appreciation, hurt, tears, anger, drama and strife. Some at the same time, other times, one at a time and with each it has caused mood swings like you would not believe.

Let me dissect the good part of that word with what I consider good. Success, Love, Respect, Appreciation. Being a person of intimidation in the coorporate world usually gives you these words per definition. The coorporate world can also give you these things with a curse behind them, but I call that, jealousy.. which I will show you how that comes with the negative use of the term intimidation. Being a strong person in the buisiness world is a must. If you intimidate someone, you would hope it would cause that person to up their game to become someone like you in that said field. If they are in that field of buisiness. My experience is that as said most of the time, even if jealousy was created from which spoken.

Let me dissect the bad part of that word with what I consider bad. Hurt, Tears, Anger, Drama, Strife. When you are intimidated with say someone’s ex, or your exes new someone, or you are intimidated by the new employee that has that degree in the job that you have worked for years yet do not own a degree but know more about that said job than a degree can ever give, comes walking in and taking over.. you. Pretty intimidating with a slight dash of jealously.. see where that fits hand and hand?? So what do you do about it? Do you secretly look for another job? Or do you man up, suck it up, and learn the new stuff that has been taught from that degree and fresh out of college person. It’s tough.. it’s very tough.. and it sucks like a devil to deal with it. However, you have to find that integrity amoungst who you are as a person. Maybe that newbie is just as intimidated as you are to him/her? Maybe.. if not…. then fucking pretend.. and watch how cocky you become… hold yourself true, but fake it until you make it and watch.

Now let’s set those bad definitions into your relationship and let me tell you my personal story real quick that after all these years… I still live and face without thought. And it’s the worst side of me.

Most of you do not know my back story, and some may if you have read all my blogs. So I will recap. Taking my husband and step, aka, bonus children out of the scenrio.. I have 3 grown children. To date, my daughter, 30. My oldest son, 27. My youngest son, 23. Their dad and I were married at a young age and divorced when our youngest was very young. 10 years ago, he married a very beautiful yet toxic woman. She had been married many times and actually ‘broke up’ with him on Thanksgiving day while dating him to marry a man that she met two weeks prior to that wedding date. He abused her so there wasn’t any anniversaries to celebrate. She then of course called my ex up and the rest is history. They are a whirlwind toxic storm to this day, but their life together is not my story to tell… but she destroyed him long before he said ‘I do’ to her because she was carrying his child. My children’s father is one of the good guys. God that man is a great man, but damn he is a pussy ass… His wife and I are the only two women he has ever been with sexually. None of anybody’s business and I think that is amazing to even brag for him about…. but point being.. why in the hell is that woman… after 10 years of marriage to him and about 12 years of him in her life.. is jealous and our intimidated by me?? His EX wife of alot of years!! Like alot! She has told him that she was ‘intimidated’ by me because him and I had so many memories from our teenage years and yada yada yada… ummm yeah.. but hello??? We are divorced for reasons.. we outgrew each other. In a nutshell.. that’s what we did. We spent years fighting.. and when it got physical, we divorced. We hated/loved after the divorce and it was hell for about 2 years after finalizing.. Today? We are very close when we see each other or talk to each other.. but we don’t do that often because our children are grown. The only time we ever interact is if something happens to our kids or we are exchanging our one grandchild together and that is very far and in between.. yet I am still that woman to her??? That drives me crazy… until I take a deep breath and realize that I do not have to justify my past with some woman that has torn him apart and still is.. even if she was an angel.. I still do not and will not apologize for my years and or memories with that man.

Now let’s hit another even closer scenerio to this subject. Not only do I deal with MY ex’s wife…. but I deal with MY husband’s EX.. hello?? Kill me now please!! This woman is the world’s biggest most toxic woman known to man. I wish to all mighty God she was a normal woman moving on… but guys… she won’t! She is so intimidated by me as the woman that loves her children as my own and that loves her ex better than she knew how and more than he would allow her to love him. They just didn’t work. Now I know she isn’t and will never get over my husband, and I don’t blame her.. but tell me why she hates on me for loving her children I literally signed up to help raise? I mean, let’s face it honey.. I was DONE raising fucking kids!! I was headed to the coastline until God moved in my life and showed me what real love was in another person. A love that allowed me to actually love myself again… but hey.. you cannot change a narcissist… do not even try. She is alot of things, and now that she has been in my life for the last 5.5 years, I will have to add another chapter to my upcoming book. Where in fact, I will go into details that will make your head spin, but you can’t stop reading… I mean it when I tell you, movie writing shit, you can’t make up!!

POINT…. no matter what area in your life you are called Intimidating or are Intimidated. Do not allow that word and it’s meaning to scare you. Sometimes it’s the biggest compliment you can get. Sometimes it’s a world you didn’t sign up for. Sometimes jealousy is included if not the backbone to it. I would tend to say is true. Just know, coming from someone that has been on both sides of the spectrum.. don’t let it control you and your life and or your day like it did mine today with one simple misunderstanding. I didn’t write about it.. but know it happened and it directed a 30 minute dinner conversation that I regret feeding into.. but had to be said.

Live you.. do you. Do not worry about other’s and their thoughts. You can do it all right, but the one’s that decided a long time ago that they were in fact intimdated by you.. aka jealous or otherwise… that’s not your problem. Take a breath as I am tonight.. and smile and know that you got it! No matter what!! Look at the sourse the evil and bad it is coming from and do not let it define you. It’s just not worth it. You are you.. for better or for worse. Life goes on, even if you have some haters… 🙂

 

 

I know I sounded excited with that Title and it’s silly since we go just about every weekend.. However, I allowed my two sons to go instead of me a couple of weeks ago and then last week my husband actually went fishing with his buddy from work and I stayed home to work.. so technically, it’s been a hot minute since i have actually went. I love me some fishing, especially on a hot sunny day coming today.. Lord knows I need some sun on this skin..

So as you can see, if you read my previous blog, I stayed up all night. This is the second time in 6 months I have done that.. I am feeling fine and just ate some breakfast to keep me going.. we will see how long that last when I am done on the water. I am not a nap taker at all… but today may be a temptation. Fishing makes you tired anyway, so I may just have to sneak one later.. who knows. LOL..

My husband bought me a new ‘fishing shirt’ and it’s so comfortable and cute.. but I packed that tank top up so I can get that tan later. I see people wearing long sleeve shirts all the time in 90 degree weather.. and even though I understand why… I just could not do it.. at all. However, those people are probably on the water and outside alot more than I am so they may not be able to afford anymore sun on that skin.. but today.. I do! Just hoping it’s a good day catching… and even though we all hope that.. I truly mean it more today than usual. My husband has worked so hard these last few days.. building and creating new things for our boat and rigging up our poles for the certain kind of fishing we will be doing.. and has talked about nothing other than today. So for him and him only.. I pray we have a good catch. I love catching.. however, I love floating just as much. Catching a fish is exciting and fun.. but it goes as fast as it comes.. I usually just fish and stare at the water and relax.. oh! and take lots of pictures. I love the outdoors and I love capturing moments.. Being on the water is just a personal peace all itself..

SO I have our lunch packed, and I am dressed.. all i have to do now is brush my hair and throw a pony tail up into my cap… but we are leaving in 40 minutes so I better get with it and make sure everything is in order..

I will blog later about this day on the Lake.. hoping I can share some good pictures with you. 🙂 Have an amazing day, fishing or not.

This will have to be a short story… It is 2:00 a.m. and the alarm goes off at 5:00. The hubs and I have a big fishing trip on the Lake in the morning that he has literally spent the last few days prepping for. Installing new rod holders on our boat, setting up our fishing poles… oiling it up.. gasing it up. The boat is hooked up to the truck and everything is ready to go! Except my job when the alarm goes off. I have to make sandwiches, load the snack bag, grap a towel and make sure the tanning oil is in my bag, get dressed, look cute.. haha.. nope.. cap on head and i am out of here!!! 🙂 I will have to make my coffee now to energize my sleepy self. If you know me or not.. amoungst most people, I have to have my caffeine before life.. I am literally two different people in the mornings and he don’t necessarily like her.. neither do I. Now IF I went to bed by at least 10:30 like I have been lately, no biggie.. but of course, I had projects due to be done tonight since I will be gone all day tomorrow on the water. In reality, it could have waited until I got home tomorrow and work on it Saturday, but when I am in the middle of something.. I have to finish it.

At 1:00, he woke up and came into my craft room while I was painting a canvas that is very intense in detail… and was like.. ‘what are you doing?’.. well even though he knew that answer.. he knew already he would be dealing with grumpy when he wakes me up at 5:00.. So I will write this while I am waiting to come down from two paintings I am waiting to dry.. well one now.. I will leave it until tomorrow evening to finish it.. because I really need to look at it again to decide if it’s going into inventory… because it’s deep and I have to have a story in my painting.. other wise.. its just stroking a brush and hoping for the best. Since I am new to this new world that I will have to blog about and tell you how I got into it.. I am anal with details. When I see someone else’s painting that may be beautiful in itself.. once I read the title of that painting, it changes everything. It’s the market of the sale itself.. again.. another blog coming.

So here I am watching the clock, and hungry as a hostage.. but I have to try and sneak my sleep in. I do not understand how my life becomes fun and anxious at night, but until noon each day, I dont really give a damn about anything.. it’s strange.. I mean that is even when I have already gotten like 8 to 10 hours of sleep.. I still have to give my self a pep talk to get my ass up and live the day. I am strange, and I even though I wouldn’t want anybody else to spend half their morning convincing themselves that once youre up.. you will have a wonderful time.. I usually deal with the late nighters at least once a week.. and I guess this night is one of them..

I do have to close out.. but I want to leave you with an idea and thought I must blog probably tomorrow evening when I get settled.. I would love to write it down because i have alot of neat things that will encourage you and help me tell you about it. But I can’t or I will never go to bed.. which it a little tempting to do.. and if it was 20 years ago, I would.. but it hits me different if I stay up. Not in a good way.. Actually to be honest, i would stay up and go back into my craft room and work if I knew the hubs wouldn’t wake up to bitch… but he always wakes up to pee.. and throws his arm across the bed to ‘feel’ me there… he is such a sucker with me.. but the bad side is, it feels more like a daddy figure than my man… blah blah blah… If you see me post again tonight.. I stayed up anyway.. LOL..

Ugh I do need that sleep.. even if its two hours, because either way… caffiene can get me through it.. and I love the water and fishing enough to motivate me to get my ass up!!! Pray I can do it with a smile..

Again.. be watching for some good stuff.. in the meantime.. go to my YOU TUBE under Stephanie Patterson and watch the newest for your encouragment, but ignore my nappy hair.. my hair appointment is the 23rd by the grace of God!

Good night all.. 🙂 Happy May 1st!

Liebster Award

Facts About Myself

1. I am both an introvert & extrovert. I learn more about new things inside myself as an introvert… and bring it out as an extrovert. Does that make sense? Because the extrovert in me needs to know!
2. I tend to have drive in making things happen if it’s for other people and procrastinate or become lazy if only for myself.
3. I have a secret curiosity of Herbalism, Gypsy/ Hippie lifestyle.
4. People tend to mistake my kindness for weakness, which creates the very opposite. I have no middle mood.
5. 100% encourager to others as I go through the same thing and don’t hear myself.
6. I’ve learned more in life from my 5 year old grand baby then anybody else in my life. (Probably a GiGi thing)
7. I cannot and do not deal with disrespect very well. I mean like it’s a whole world of not dealing. I would rather have respect than love… even though I believe they go hand and hand.
8. I LOVE to write! (Obviously) it’s a world that nobody can tell me what or how to do it. I own it and it’s mine.
9. I’m an inner mermaid from the seas. If I’m not at the beach, I fill my life up with life stuff until I get back to the beach.. the connection has got to be a past life thing. Indescribable feeling.
10. I don’t do drama or toxic living. I will walk away from blood family and close friends before I deal with it. I believe my health suffered from it from dealing with it in my past and I can’t afford nor will I be around it. Period.
11. I’m an Interior Decorator and that’s how I breath. If I’m not creating, remodeling, hanging a picture or redesigning a room or house or yard.. I’m not getting up. Unless I’m headed to the beach. 🙂

 

Well. I was about to go to bed…. but family… or not… just people… and their opinions without substance.. it’s sad to be honest. When I blog, I let it all out.. and to be honest, I need to check my settings, because I did not realize it went to my facebook unless authorized to do so… but apparently it did and does. So I will let it ride, and delete it on FB if need be. However for now,  my previous sequeal post hit my buisness page.. and someone that never talks to me… comments or likes on the good and or my hard work, decides to tell me that my writing is good, but I have too many ‘cuss’ words going on .. and if I was right with the Lord, it would not be a dent in my story… So wait.. what?????? So after all you just read about toxic living.. you are going to wait and say something to me.. about my blog about toxic living.. and tell me I need to stop with the cuss words if I am right with the Lord??? Hello… You just defined my reasoning for toxic! Instead of reading… you judged my language??? Then incorporated it with my walk and realtionship with my Lord? Do you even know me??? I really do not at this point… think you do.. and the sad part about it is… she is family. Damn. If it was anybody else, I wouldn’t even write this next blog…. but until I write it BACK out… my sweet Auntie…. I am back to square one are with my whole GD point! If you can look past my story and pick out the cuss words to ‘find’ the wrong in me instead of seeing what I have to say in order to share my thoughts.. especially about my childhood that is very personal and deep.. yet still have to ‘find’ something to bitch about.. than you my dear are who I am writing about.. If you are someone that I talk to on a daily or weekly basis and have an opinion on my life and my words that I write… come on .. please, I allow it… however…

At 49 years old… and after all you and I mean not One certain person…….. have read in all my blogs have ONE opinion… about my cuss words… and relating those said words with my relationship with MY Lord… really?? Did you even read my story???

At the end of the day, listen. I do not care or even so much care about how anybody thinks of me.. However, my blogs and my writing…. please respect.. if you have an opinion about the SUBJECT.. please let me know.. I love a good talk and or debate… but if all you get out of a deep personal story are judgemental use of my words… please don’t.

The funny thing about this is this…. it is literally the VERY thing my previous blog was about… If the comments came from me cussing about the beautiful rainbow in my front yard, that I could have talked about but I was cussing like a sailor and you have authority over my everyday life… then yeah…. go for it honey!!! But with all due respect…. you do not not, as anybody else in my life have that authority now…. because I said so… ( other than my husband ) … I say so!!!

I will always respect my family.. and my elders.. but my family ….. yall have alot to get over and to prove to me now to call you that.

.. wild thing is.. that very personal person that  ‘judged’ my language and my relationship with My Lord… was marked on my calendar to swing by to ‘see’ in June… hmmmmm.. either way.. I have alot of people other than My family to prove to me how much our relationship is worth.. without judgement of tongue and Heaven.

Goodnight.

So thanks to my sister that messaged me to remind me that she was waiting on this part two version of the Drama free zone.. I had to go back and reread the first version… and as promised… here it is…

Back a good 17 years ago, after divorcing my children’s father… I became involved with a man.. aka.. My Mistake in Life when it came to relationships….. I married him in 2006.. for God only knows why… LOL… looking back, I think it was to get out of another relationship I hated…. blah blah blah… and life goes on. As you can tell, I do not want to uncover that past… however. the Drama Free Zone Part Two has everything to do with.. of course separating yourself from that BS. So I was single after a 20 year marriage… and looking back, I left and signed divorce papers to my childrens amazing yet boring Father for this SOB… but at the time.. he wasn’t an SOB…. he was a breath of fresh air.. he was fun, and naughty, and exciting and ‘at the time’ half decent’ to look at at… sorry. LOL… but we were only 33 years old at the time, so we were all cute… 🙂

However, I was sucked in. Like bad! If you know anything about my blogs telling any amount of my personal past, you already know that I was very young when I first got married and left my home and siblings. I was only 16… I was only 16 and a half! Yes, my step father beat up my mom and more so, my blood sister.. well he abused her in my baby eyes… ( i surely hope not to offend her as I speak) but this is where my heart is at… dammit.. and I have only spoke of this maybe twice in 35 years…

I remember my own father beating my mom when I was only in 1st grade.. if not earlier.. I remember the house we were in and all I seen was her hand gripping the door panel as my blood father shoved her face under the running water of the bathroom sink… I remember the butcher knife he held to her throat as she cried and begged him to stop for his daughters… me and my sister’s sake. He would too. He would ‘snap back to reality’ when he would see me and my sissy crying… he really would.

Then life went on… yes they got back together and yes, they had my brother when I was 6 years old while he continued to beat the shit out of my mom.. back and forth from Texas to Louisiana.. we lived.  Hell I went to 3 different schools in 2nd grade because my mom allowed toxic in her life… a man… a toxic man that sweet talked her because she was weak… oh God was she weak….. pretty much like I was after divorcing my childrens dad… good god almighty was I a weak ass 33 year old single woman!!!!!!! Thanks Momma… ( not her fault ) but damn. …—-side note— my kids dad was actually my only ‘example of a good man’… so yeah super blessed they came from good loins! Yet, no body’s fault.. I had NO clue what a marriage was… or how a man was suppose to be like! Thanks ‘daddy’. another side note… I am now blessed with a God fearing good man, I call mine… so no worries… but let me tell you a quick story about the in between my childrens daddy… and the man I have now… ( thank you GOD)… but those 14 years… were pure fucking hell!!!!!

Sorry! I am sure I went off subject for a second.. but I am tired and when I speak of my blood father, my abusive step father, my awesome baby daddy, my toxic ‘second marriage that turned me into someone I do not know to this day’ and my husband and best friend now… I tend to get off track!!!!   Once my book is complete, you will really know the whole deal with the huh’s??? that NOBODY in my life knows.. and I really do not care if they do… but I made myself a promise a long time ago to write.. and I will complete that ‘movie maker’.. LOL.. I promise you too!!!

So to get back on track real quick and a very summed up version of this Drama Free Zone topic… is this.. Do not live it! If  you are in a situation that you can’t get out of relationship wise or you are still a juvenile and you have to live your surroundings, know this… You do not have to stay there. Now as a under 18 year old.. but almost there… hang tight and do not subject your decisions on a toxic problem the adults in your life decide to share with you. However, if you are an adult in a toxic relationship.. change you.. or find a way to get out. Sorry.. but please do. Saying that… I do not agree with divorce now… but I have been married 3 times.. ???? Yep.. point being… if you are too young.. do not get married.. no matter how awesome he is… just be engaged.. live with him or her if you must.. understand what forever is when you do say i do…. but if there is abuse… but damn that money is good and God he /she is good in bed… and OMG.. when he isn’t abusing me.. I feel like the Queen.. Understand this!!! Toxic always comes back…

I have NEVER been physically abused by anybody! Not a man.. not a woman.. nothing! Yes.. I was pinned down twice by a drunk man in my life because I finally stood up to myself when I caught him talking to other women… and I stood up to him the next day about it to shut it down… but as far as being beat up to stay or to be determined my self in that relationship??? Hell no.. I wish a MF would! Thanks Mom… but I am better than that… even when I was at my lowest with a ‘man’.

My dad was handsome.. he was a fucking “hot” piece of candy.. my mom was beautiful… God was she a doll… but she was so weak.. I don’t know and do not care how.. but I am assuming he must have been a hot item in the bedroom.. I say that.. because they went from being married, having two girls.. to my mom moving out of the state, to marrying another man, ( that beat her )… hmmmmm????…. to 9 months later, her and my dad get back together, moving us back to Texas and them having my brother… just to separate again before he was 3 years old???

I’m sorry…. can we say toxic??? Yes indeed..

SO enough about my parents.. it is what is it.. and life goes on.. ( another story to tell.. )

Let’s talk about my personal toxic.. in which makes me understand why my mother possibly would have decided to stay like she did.. with my dad and my step dad..  HOPE. Hope to find that person happy to stay with you.. and pray that you are enough.. Let me tell you this.. My second marriage.. aka.. mistake.. was a challenge every single GD day. You know why?? Cause I left a good, boring… at the end of the road man for him!! So BY GOD we going to ‘work out’! Yet we didn’t… Married in 2006… after our first date in 2004… his children were my childrens age.. so that’s perfect… right???  umm no.. when a relationship wasn’t meant.. it doesn’t matter the age.. and when it’s meant to be.. it doesn’t matter the kids age either… another topic.. but let’s talk about 2006.

Wait a minute… the story does not start there… ( on toxic ) Good grief… I need to release my book so I don’t have to blog about all this. Real quick …. Skipping it all… at the end of it all.. is this… his mother was and still is to this day Toxic……..(if she hasn’t died yet) sorry… but I know that’s what my ex is waiting for. eeekkk spoiler alert. His daughter was only 7 when we married.. if not 6… the older she grew the more she became like her Nana… not her Mother… she was just a woman she seen twice a month.. but her Nana… oh my God… her Nana.. the woman who knocked on MY door telling me that I was a bitch and that she was the only woman in his life… huh????

Summing up… I had bought my ‘boyfriend’ a 50″ TV on Valentine’s Day, 4 months after our first date… I had it on rent to own per credit… ( stupid) I didn’t even have a good TV for me and my three kids at home.. but dammit… he loved his Syfi.. dammit he was gonna watch it big! Now go back on time.. 2005.. a 50″ was something nobody had.. yet… then one night he denied me coming over as my three children were at there daddy’s.. I went to bed sucking my thumb.. I was so lonely.. I missed him.. so bad.. I lived 3 blocks from him.. he could of walked to me.. to be with me.. because, hell I texted him telling him.. how my kids were finally gone after two weeks, and I was ‘free’.. yet he said not tonight!! Confused… and awoke by stress… I got in my car and drove ‘around the corner’ to his house.. hmmmmm.. who is there?  A Toyoto Tundra truck??? Wait what??

The next day, after dealing with stress caused by ‘drama’, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me and telling me no when I wanted to come over…. So out of anger, I called the company who owned that big ass TV that was now due for MY next payment… as that MF was allowing his new friend to think he had it all… and told them to go to set address and pick it up. They did too… woke both their asses up out of bed! Confused she left and went home.. He called ‘momma’.. He sat in the truck.. his balls were too small to get out and face me.. but her’s weren’t.. She banged on my door telling me I was a bitch and that I could never love him like she does.. and that she was the only woman in his life…

LONG story short… that was 2005.. I married him.. August 2006…. after he moved 8 hours away.. So ask me about how strong toxic relationships can go.. I dare you… JUST ask!!!

To Be Continued… but you’ll have to buy my book…

Summary… don’t waste another second on the bullshit… PLEASE.. youre kids will be grown, you will be older.. you will either learn from it.. like I did.. or you will grow old despising yourself… get out.. friends, family, him/her… whoever, whatever… live yourself free….. live for you… live to breathe. NO DRAMA… just live.. the way it is suppose to be lived… 🙂

To be Continued….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So we are still in quarantine and still dealing with Covid19. Rumors have it things will start opening back up soon. Certainly hope so with care included. However, I am so curious of how many of us have just been waiting and will hit the streets to nowhere and everywhere as soon as the gates open back up with no looking back at what we just dealt with. I know that not everybody is as a deep thinker as I may be, but I am that person that looks at something good or bad and try and learn from it in a good way. That isn’t to pat myself on the back, cause I think I am better or worse than the next person at all!! I do, however, pray that everyone of us takes something from all this to be better for ourselves and to others. We certainly do not need to go back to where we all were before… not thinking twice after making spending decisions or not forgiving people or treating others like we will live forever. I pray that, even though, we all have a lot to learn and decide on a better person in ourselves, that we can take from this shutdown and people sick and dead to be the best versions of ourselves at whatever cost.

Watching and reading stories about the single mom who does hair and she has no other income to her name struggle, breaks my heart and like many other sad stories, makes me stop and realize things are always worse around us. This shutdown has allowed us to see other peoples lives and for me, it has shut me up with the bitching so much. Even though I think I had a ‘reason’ to before, going through all this together has made me see so many things that it has flooded my heart. Every story with the ones that have no extra money or stocked shelves or someone they can call for help.. makes me cry everytime and then the next thing I pray is for them to see how important it will be in the future to put money back and slowly stock their shelves with long lasting foods and other things that we all need. Not saying they ‘had a lesson to learn’ hell no!!! They absolutely did not!! Life is one tough MF and especially when you are single.. I surely know that! I just hope that there is a breather for whoever, to get ahead and be prepared for anything in today’s world.

My husband and I live in a world of preparation, thanks to him! It didn’t take this pandemic to cause a stir with us.. however, it did make us more conscious of why we prep and allows us to calmly purchase extra just to make sure of any kind of permament shutdown or a long one anyway. We hunt and fish, we grow gardens when we can for food… we save money when we can and we stock food when we find sales. We are living like we were but now with opened eyes. As for me, I have learned the importance of saving more now than ever. I love to save money, but I also have to spend it.. and so does he. Before all this, if he purchased something big I didn’t care and never thought about it.. now when he does its more for long term survival.. most of the time. All this has changed my thought process in more ways than one! Nothing else would have or could have done that to me! So if I have to look at the silver lining.. that would be it. What makes me think I couldn’t have been that woman that was on the news talking about her only income alone that has been taking away? I can assure you… it would have been!

Are we ‘blessed’? Are we so blessed because we stay prepared and can at all times because of choices?? I always think and feel blessed… always!!!!I have good damn reason to feel that way, I can assure you and it has not all to do with ‘money’. I feel blessed for level headed children we raised, for a beautiful home and for my husband that is so super strong for me and visa versa I’ll say! 🙂 God is good. He is good to the ones that are suffering. My prayer in my life, is to be so ‘prepared’ that I can buy extra and deliver to the ones that have to settle for one meal a day because they have no other to look forward to. That’s what will allow me to feel full blown blessed. I give to my children when they need it and they will never go hungry.. as long as I am around.

One main point I wanted to talk about as far as people changing, if they are not. I am shocked at my friends and other people I have seen on social media that go out to eat all the time and pay others to do things that they have time to do. However, do not know ‘how’ to do them?? Wait what?! What are you teaching yourself everyday?? I want to scream at them and tell them to be Self Sufficiant dang it! Who are we?? I have two teenage kids that only have two and three years left of high school and literally have NO clue how to deal with life at all!! Not that we haven’t tried to teach them either.. it’s hard to explain if you arent dealing with it.. but these kids.. omg! They do not have a clue! I am scared for them! Well.. now that all this has happened, it has made us force the lessons! Phones are to be put away and it’s time to get down and dirty! I am that mom that would rather do it herself.. I have raised 3 grown kids and they took my time.. Now that I am a step mom and time goes by so quickly.. the ‘ I’ll just do it’s” have caught up to me that they literally haven’t learned a damn thing! So in a mighty rush, I am teaching my almost 15 year old bonus child many things! ( our 16 year old moved out to the other mom’s ) so…. there is that. However, we can now take a deep breathe, accept all that and teach our son to become a man. A real man!

Teaching teenagers and or children at that while trying to deal with our own lives in all this is tough, but very doeable. After all, we have never been through anything like this in our lives, so it’s new to us too. BUT, we have knowledge and resilance that they do not have. During this change, we have made a pact to learn and teach at the same time. Hell it has brought us closer with all the time spent now. Instead of just ‘doing’ something in the yard or going fishing with our son, we are teaching as we work and play. Talking deeper and making sure he is hearing us. Teaching our 5 year old grandbaby when she comes over when her mother… a single mom… has to go into work.. teaching her every reason why we do things and how she can learn how to do it like ‘the big girls’. She is like a sponge too.. she wants to know it all and wants to do it all. It’s adorable… and I have never ‘noticed’ the importance of her wanting to dig for worms to go fishing or help me plant flowers and veggies.. and how we eat all the food on our plates because we have it and we had it to cook for her. Conversations are different.. the meanings are more real.. and they along with us.. are learning to be better people.

What happens next when this is all over?? Do we go about things the same with the same mindset? Do we scream.. FINALLY!! and take off.. and shrug that we made it through??? I know I won’t!! But again, I am a deep enough thinker to blog about it.. so there is that! My main goal… and my encouragement to you today is.. ‘don’t forget’ please do not forget!! Even if it’s 6 months later.. please don’t forget! I will have to be that person when life ‘moves on’ to stop long enough to make myself remember.. after all.. we are human. Something else will and can distract us… I know all too well everyday! However, I am doing all this on purpose.. it will be a better life to live when we learn the reasons why.

So, please let me encourage you again… do not forget what this is teaching us and change into a better person for yourself! For your family.. for your survival! I encourage you to take something from all this.. and save and prepare for your family and friends. Learn to plow and plant, learn to fish and or hunt. If you don’t believe in meat for your family, do the prior.. plant your food.. plant a tree that suppies fruits. We have a peach, apples, and orange tree in our yard that we utilize. We plant all veggies in our back lot area.. you don’t have to ‘kill’ anything to eat.. and if you don’t like veggies.. start now. Not only will they feed you if all shuts down for good… it is good and healthy for you. There are so many recipes you can learn that include the things that you can grow.. and to me.. the honor and glory and fulfillment of doing all that, surpasses any other kind of happiness..

I pray for the world tonight.. I pray with you tonight… that we will not only come out of all this.. but when we do, we are clear headed awesome freaking people that we have become that we would have never met without this infamous time in history we are living.. 🙂